And I wonder as I lay here, in this sleepless field of dreams..

HELLO!

Somehow you've stumbled upon my blog, scraping the ends of the internet for something interesting.

Instead you found this.
I hope I don't put you to sleep.


Stories of fiction and fact lie dormant in this digital journal. Anything labelled with fiction junction is just that: fiction.

STORIES

» fiction junction. [all stories are sorted by this tag]
» refraction.
» love's weight.
» Viktor's Girls. [an ongoing collection]


do you think of me when I think of you

» Rachel Waa.
» xkcd.
» questionable content.
» the awesomer.
» not always right.
» stumble upon.
» Lore Olympus.

as the nighttime slowly sings...?

» chih.
» kaylyn.
» kitty.
» j comeau of A Softer World.


Template by Elle @ satellit-e.bs.com
Banners: reviviscent
Others: (1 | 2)


“if only you could see”
February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 January 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 August 2011 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 August 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 May 2015 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 December 2016 June 2017 July 2017 June 2018 November 2020 December 2020 April 2021 November 2021

Where you see a wall, I see a door (to the new world).
Nov 30, 2013 || 12:40 AM || comment?

The cold wind blew fiercely, causing her hair to skew her view of the night sky. He propped himself up next to her, and tucked the strayed strands behind her ear. She met his gaze and smiled.

"You're going to miss it," she said softly; the visible puff of breath that carried her words drifting up and away.

"I think we still have time," he replied with a smile.

The two were laying out in a field, on the top of blankets laid out below them, and another on top to keep them warm. His short hair was kept hidden beneath the hat he always wore. Her brown eyes stayed with his hazel ones for a moment longer before he laid back down. She repositioned herself so she could lay on his outstretched arm.

The night sky was littered with stars, twinkling much like diamons strewn about. Every so often, meteors would streak by, many leaving without a trace. The few that left trails of their dying light were named as they passed, memories of a former life the girl had left behind. He listened intently as she spun her story, weaving a web so intricate he was left wondering how he could possibly get caught in something so magnificent as her life. His tale was so painfully simple, he felt, as she continued to speak of things he never even considered. At some point he no longer heard her soft voice, and he turned to find her staring back at him.

"You're going to miss it," he offered to her.

"As long as I'm here with you, I won't miss anything."

He considered her words for a moment then looked back at the sky. She took a deep breath and exhaled, and watched as her breath clouded up above her and slowly dissipated. As the air cleared up, the brightest meteor they'd seen all night made its way across the sky. It passed as quickly as the others but it was the largest one they'd seen and left of trail that lasted several seconds. Her eyes went wide, and she smiled.

"Wow.." he said quietly. She didn't say anything this time, she only scooted closer to him, laid her head on his chest, and wrapped her arms around him.


Just sit still, does it hurt? Does it hurt?
Nov 23, 2013 || 11:50 PM || comment?

From up here the only sound was the rustling of her shirt in the strong wind. She toed the edge of the rooftop, and as she looked down, her heart sank and she felt as though the distance between her and the ground was impossibly large. She longed to close her eyes but she couldn't. She inhaled deeply, counted to three, leaned forward and soon gravity took care of the rest.


Right before hitting the sidewalk, she found herself awake with her face buried in her pillow. She slowly pushed herself up, arms wobbling and heart threatening to beat out of her chest. A cursory glance around her reassured her not only was she alive and awake, but she was safe in her own home as well. Just as dark as it always was, having no windows, she only had one way to tell the time. She crawled to the edge of her bed, and groped the darkness. Her hands found the rectangular device on her bedside table, and she gave the button on top a firm press. The digitally illuminated numbers read 0937. She didn't quite oversleep, but she also didn't wake up as early as she had hoped. The false light filled the room with blue green light, and she sat up and looked around. There were no pictures on the wall, no mirrors, and nothing except for the door that lead out of her room. She sighed and slowly got out of bed. The wooden floor chilled her bare feet, but she didn't mind so much. She stretched her arms upward and and curved her back. She walked to the door and slowly turned the handle. It lead to a hallway with three options: a bathroom, a closet, and the kitchen. Artificial lights lined the hallway that would light as she passed them. After pulling a towel from the closet, she made her way to the bathroom, its only occupants a sink, a toilet, and a walk in shower with floor drain. She took off her only article of clothing, an over sized white shirt, and dropped it on the floor near the toilet, along with the towel. She stepped into the shower and pressed a button on the wall. From above, water fell and the drops were bittersweet. Warm enough to not chill her to the bone, but cold enough to leave her wanting just a bit more warmth, she washed off the dirt of previous days. She didn't waste any time, not that she could, the shower automatically shut off after five minutes. At the sink, she picked up her toothbrush, and blindly brushed away. After two minutes she felt satisfied, and rinsed out her mouth. She picked up the towel and dried herself quickly. She wrapped herself with the towel, then made her way back to the closet. She pulled out a pair of undergarments, a black shirt and black pants, a red jumpsuit to wear over it all, and a gas mask that would fully cover her face. She dressed slowly in the dull light of her room, as if each layer of clothing marked her impending doom. She stepped into the red jumpsuit, and slowly buttoned it up the front. She tucked the gas mask under her left arm. She left her room, and closed the door. She walked down the hallway and opened the door that would lead her to the kitchen. A brighter light was responsible for illuminating the kitchen. There was a small fridge, an oven, a single pantry. At the other end of the kitchen was another door. She walked to it, and stopped. She took a deep breath, and strapped on the gas mask.

Today was the day. Today was the day she would have to leave her house.

If pain was a color to paint on you...
Nov 19, 2013 || 10:29 PM || comment?

Her dreams were a structure of infinite possibility.

Every night as she drifted off to sleep, the only question in the back of her mind was, "Where will I go tonight?"

Her room was dark, and with no windows present. There was an unknown threat outside, and she didn't want anyone (or anything) to know she was there. The room was mostly still and silent, save for her eyes that darted back and forth beneath their eyelids, and the rhythmic sound of her breathing.

She opened her eyes, and found herself laying on the ground. As she exhaled, dirt swirled around her so she sat up. As she looked around, she found herself sitting in a garden. Lush green grass, rows of rose bushes, and a single fig tree were present. Slowly she stood, and looked around her. A faintly sweet smell filled her nose, and she decided to go to the roses. There were rows upon rows of flowers, yellow, white, pink, and red, going as far back as she could see, and even further still. She made her way to a bush of red roses, and leaned forward. She felt the petals brushing lightly against her nose and as she inhaled, the perfume of it made her feel lightheaded. The smell was pleasing yet very unfamiliar. She pulled against the stem, and in doing so, found the thorns that protected the rose. She drew back and stared at her hand. A single drop of blood beaded up on her index finger. It was the same red as the rose, and she wondered why the delicate flower would betray her trust.

She strolled across the garden towards the fig tree. It wasn't until she'd gotten closer that she realized the tree was bearing fruit. They looked a bit like swollen water drops, with the tops so small compared to the round base of the fruit. She ducked under the branches and delighted in the shade the tree offered. She looked up and found herself surrounded by fruit. She reached up and plucked one from the tree. The whole branch shook as the fruit snapped off, and some loose ones found their way to the ground as a result. She studied the fruit for a bit before deciding to try it. It was smooth to the check, and very soft, she knew if she squeezed to hard it would certainly burst. Curiosity took over, so she brought the fig to her lips and bit into it. The fruit was sweet like nothing she'd ever tasted before, and juice of which ran down her chin. Before she even finished chewing, she was pulling more fruit from the branches, indulging herself on their flesh.

After eating her fill, she crawled out from under the tree and noticed a small pond that she wasn't quite sure it was there before. She got on her knees, cupped her hands in the water and brought it to her face, rinsing off the sticky sweet juice. She watched the surface of the water and its distorted reflection of herself. As the water calmed, the image made more sense, and she began to study her own features. When was the last time she'd seen herself? There were two dark brown eyes staring back at her, and she suddenly realized she didn't recognize herself at all. Confused and slightly angry, she splashed the water, and before she realized it, felt the grip of something on her wrist. She tried pulling against it, but it yanked her into the water. As she felt like she was completely immersed in the water, she struggled a bit before waking up and finding herself tangled in the covers, alone in her dark room.


If I wanted to talk I would have called a friend
Nov 17, 2013 || 12:39 AM || comment?

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I have no idea what the future holds for me. For you. I wake up, go to school, go to work, go home, and sleep. Everyday. Somehow between it all I still find time to spend with my friends, with people I really care about. Five years ago I moved out to Lafayette with a good friend of mine. At the time he was just a really good friend, a common thread we shared was Adam. Two years ago we broke up, but we stayed friends, we became really close and still are. Now, this person is going to be moving over three hours away to another state. This makes me feel....scared. Maybe not abandoned but that'll mean everyone I moved out here with will no longer be an integral part of my life. What a strange concept. I don't like saying goodbye to people at all. It's hard to move on. It's strange meeting new people and becoming a part of their lives. You learn new words and new habits and new mannerisms. And you have to adjust accordingly. It almost feels like everything is changing around me but I'm staying the same. I inevitably feel as though life will continue on while I'll be stuck here in my mind and body, living and breathing the same as I've always been but the scenery will change. There will be new actors and new scenes and I'm not quite sure I can keep up with the ever changing dialogue. I wish there was at least one thing I was sure of in this life. I mean absolutely without a doubt thing I can be certain of. I'm going to do THIS after I'm done with school, or I'm going THERE after all is said and done. Really I am nothing more than halfmade plans, and even those are constantly changing. I don't know when I'll get a car or if I'll ever get a car. I don't really know what I want to do with my life. And I'm almost 24 years old. Shouldn't I have this figured out already? Anyways it's time for bed. Maybe my dreams will have an answer for me. Shared from Google Keep


A solid soul and the blood I bleed.
Nov 12, 2013 || 8:22 PM || comment?

Is this the end? Was all her life amounting up to this one fateful moment? Head on the ground, the sideways view of the world about her was only blurred by the blood that ran down her forehead. She felt weak but at least the ground was warm. Traffic continued slowly around her and she took a slow, deep breath. Her head was ringing, but maybe it was the sirens she heard in the distance. Time suddenly stopped around her as a small crowd gathered about her. "Is she alive?" "Someone call an ambulance!" "Hey! Can you hear us? Can you sit up?" There he was. Tall. Slender. Dark brown eyes. He waved a hand in her face but she continued to stare at a point beyond everything. It felt like every sound was distorted, as if listening from below the water's surface. His hand waved again and she blinked. She turned her gaze at him and she felt dizzy as he pulled her up in a sitting position. "What's your name?" She heard him ask. Suddenly she realized just how many people were crowded around her. There was a dull pain but mostly she felt numb. "What..." she said softly. "You were hit by a car crossing the street. They didn't stop. I saw everything over there." He pointed in some direction but she couldn't follow him. She continued to stare at his face with a dull expression. "The ambulance should be here soon." He said, sitting now on the ground next to her, supporting her weight. She lifted a hand to her face and ran her fingers across her forehead. It felt sticky and warm. This was her life leaving her. It didn't matter that she felt like it might be too soon. The sound of the ambulance jarred her from her trance. Soon two more were added to the crowd and they pleaded to give them space. They moved quickly and spoke too fast for her to understand. One moment she was sitting, the next she found herself lifted onto a gurney, being strapped in securely as they worked swiftly about her. She felt the world was spinning but there was one thing she wanted. She scanned the crowd and he was standing off to the side. She stretched out her hand in his direction. He took a step towards her but an EMT held him back. "Please.." she said, and both the EMT and the guy turned to look at her. "Don't leave me." "Can I ride with you to the hospital?" The medic seemed doubtful but shrugged and told the man he could but had to sit in the front. The man smiled then looked at the girl, who now seemed so small laid out on the stretcher. "I promise I won't." He smiled warmly. She nodded and took one last look at his deep brown eyes and then closed her own. Shared from Google Keep

We could stick around and see this night through.
Nov 8, 2013 || 8:49 PM || comment?

Are you out there? It's so lonely where I am. But still I sit outside, cigarette between my fingers, and once again my mind drifts to you. When I walk outside, in the cool dark of night, I look towards the sky and sigh. I see the moon and stars. I wonder if you can see them too. Can you see my reflection in the moon? In your mind? Do you think of me when I think of you? I walk out into the field, the sound of insects and cars passing by are my melody. They sing songs of love and longing. And I long for you. It isn't often I let my mind wander, but I can't help it when you're no longer here.

Sometimes I wonder about how my presence affects people. People I know and people I don't know. For some reason, they leave a strong imprint on me and I want to know more about them. The guy who stopped at the gravel parking lot to photograph the lighting striking in the night sky. The guy who spoke kind words to me in the hall at school, he put on a smile on my face and he noticed. A simple morning greeting. The one who worked at the ice cream shop on that day two years ago. He gave me a hug as tears ran down my face. The ice cream wasn't even important anymore. In that moment, only two people mattered: the girl that traveled out of her way to be with her friend, and redefined friendship for me, and the guy with the chemistry tattoos on his arm that worked at the ice cream shop, who made me feel good about the general kindness of people.

There are some words I'd like to say to describe how I feel. I'm not quite sure how they'll sound on paper, or rather, on computer screen, but let's see.

You are nothing short of a mystery and a wonder. You put a smile on my face and I don't know how or why. Intrigue surrounds you. And whenever I'm with you, the world seems alright. Time passes by and I don't notice until it's time to go. And how I wish I didn't have to go. The day goes by and I feel like I just exist within it, and nothing really matters. Nothing except you. Can you promise to hold my hand? If I should be so bold, I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand.

I't's a nice feeling, to know that someone loves you. And one day, I hope to return the favor.

Kaleidoscopic mind.
Nov 7, 2013 || 11:07 PM || comment?

I'm holding my breath. I'm holding my breath as I take the plunge. There is a slight breeze but the water is still. The surface reflects the light and I pretend it is a mirror that reflects the world above. I let my body fall into the water and the suddenly I am jolted by how cold the water is. I open my eyes and it takes a moment for me to adjust, but soon I realize there is an entirely new world the below the water's surface. Fish live and breathe under here. For a moment longer I hold my breath, but soon I return to the surface and inhale deeply. This isn't right, but it feels nice. I dive back under, and at once I am like one of the creatures that have lived entire lives never knowing what's beyond the surface except certain death. But I'm not afraid of my inevitable end. There is much to appreciate down here. Those that thrive below the surface, and I truly long to be like them. I can feel my chest getting tight as I swim further down, and my breath can't keep me much longer. There is a secret treasure down here that only I can find, only I can have. Again I return to the surface, and fill my lungs with the air. The sun is shining bright, and I feel my skin warm slightly, but my body can't adjust. I swim to the shore, pull my small frame out of the water, and lay out on the land. My wet clothes are only serving to weigh me down, so I take them off and expose my naked body to the sun. There aren't anymore secrets out here. The wind knows my given name, and with it, takes all the knowledge I have and passes it along to whoever may be out there, waiting. The sky is a clear blue and as still as the water once was. I close my eyes and sigh softly. The breath that leaves my lips is soon replaced with another one I take in. And I feel fine.




Today was long. Correction- work was long. The day I had to enjoy myself, not so much. I did have the pleasure of joining Kelly and Arik for lunch and gelato, which is always nice. I don't really have a lot to say, my mind is tired but I'm not quite there yet, and I feel a little bit alone, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Tomorrow's going to be an even longer day, I'm sure. School and work at both jobs. I'm just waiting for my next day off at my both places.

The Lonely Cricket
Nov 6, 2013 || 11:14 PM || comment?

I'm finding it difficult to put into words the story in my mind. Or at least, the idea of a short story I wanted to write. It wasn't going to be anything special, it rarely is. But I promised myself I'd keep writing, so I think that's what I'll do.

Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about mundane things? Sometimes whenever I'm walking to work and I'm listening to music on my phone, I think about how I'd like to be dancing to the song with someone or maybe a small group of people. We're all just jamming out and dancing, our bodies filled with the collective energy of the song. It doesn't have to be organized dancing or whatever, but just fun and carefree. Maybe we're in someone's room, jumping on the bed, singing at the top of our lungs- or maybe it's just you and me, and we're moving our bodies and not caring about what the other is thinking, but just that we're together and we've let go of all the thoughts that weigh us down and other silly things we have holding us back.

I really want a car. I want to be able to just drive somewhere. I really miss driving. I miss driving by myself. I miss turning the music up really loud and singing at the top of my lungs, following someone on the highway so I feel less alone, or making up fake scenarios in my head, like what I'd do if a t-rex just plowed through the trees and would I brake or keep driving? Honestly at highway speeds, I think I could outrun a t-rex, but something that massive would probably take up most of the space on the lanes of the highway and think about the people around me, they'd probably screech to a halt and my only option would be to stop as well. I guess I'd base my actions on the actions of those around me.

Really, I just want to see the stars. Like we did earlier this year for the meteor shower, I'd say there was six or seven of us? And we just piled into the truck and drove out into the country on some lonely gravel road, parked, and laid in the bed of the truck with our eyes towards the heavens and watched as the shooting stars left their imprints in the sky. We were out there for a couple of hours, I don't think we had anything on our minds other than, where should we look next?

Where should I look next? Where should I go? What should I do? What will I do when I get there?

I feel a little bit distant from all the things I once knew. Is this a natural distance or did I create this space?






A favorite past time activity
Nov 4, 2013 || 10:37 PM || comment?

If you know me, then you know that I REALLY enjoy eating. The food. The atmosphere. The social experience. I have three things here. The first one: delicious noodles from a place in Austin called How Do You Roll? It was a sushi restaurant that emphasize creating your own roll- I chose the noodles and a special roll that had white fish, avocado and asparagus I think? I don't quite remember and for whatever reason I didn't take a picture. Oh well. The second picture is a pair of DELICIOUS fish tacos (grilled tilapia!) I got from a bar in Austin that had a restaurant operating inside of it. It was a little on the pricier side, but I forgive them. I forced myself to eat both of them but I was definitely full from just the first one! The last one is actually a shrimp poboy and fries I got from a restaurant in Lafayette called Social Southern. This was a lunch special the other week and I was craving some Social, so I made the trip by myself and enjoyed a glass of their sweet tea. Sooooooooo ( 9 Os) tasty! In other news...there isn't much to say about today except I went to class (traverse adjustments, what fun!) and then I went to work. That's pretty much how my days go: school, work, and sometimes go to other work as well. I don't think I know how to only have one job. I'd probably get really bored with myself. Somehow I still have plenty of free time, I just don't know how to use my spare time wisely! But, I'm still learning. I cleaned my bathroom, and put away my clean clothes...and while that pile of clothes that still needs to be washed is slowly getting smaller, it always sneaks up on me and its a big pile again. One day I'll catch up. One day.




all the lilies on the hill.
Nov 3, 2013 || 10:59 PM || comment?

November already? 2013 has come and will soon be on its way out. Soon I'll be making Thanksgiving dinner for myself. Soon I'll watch as December 1st comes and goes, as it usually does, and I'll be four and twenty. It sounds pretty heavy. I'm sure the feeling will pass. Something that does feel good, is the sound and feel of the keys as I'm typing this out. It's been a while, maybe I should review the year?

In no particular order, I did the following things:

Played tennis.
Broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years.
Went to Blue Bayou/Dixie Landin'.
Drank the most delicious sweet tea in Lafayette.
Went to the Cajun Heartland State Fair.
Spent the day in Baton Rouge with Mel when he visited from Florida.
Started school again (fingers crossed).
Cried. A lot.
Went to the Cane's summer picnic, and lost at kickball. Again.
Got drunk downtown during Festival International.
Started dating someone.
Took my dad to see the fireworks only to realize we couldn't see them from where we were. We lit our own instead.
Went to Austin City Limits music festival.
Listened to some jazz standards at the Lonely Cricket (aka Bisbano's).
Was awarded a scholarship for school (yes, I'm still going).
Made a year at my second job.
Played Pump It Up with Aaron.
Dressed up as Waluigi at Louisianime with Kitty.

I'm sure I'm missing some very important things but I'm having a hard time remembering things of note. But for now this will do. I'm not really sure if there's anything I'm really trying to say.

I guess since it's November I could talk about some things I'm thankful for. All of the above experiences are things I am thankful for. Whether they sound good or bad, they are all things that continuously shape me as a person and for that I am thankful. I can't hope to know where I'm going right now, but I think I am okay with that. I'm in school and that is really a major step for me. I am still just coasting by, but a hurdle has been cleared. I want to write stories again. I want to find that voice in my head that would just narrate things for me and when I'd get a chance to sit and write for a while, those words just flow out of the end of my pencil, or fingertips. That hasn't happened in a while. I have put all of my stories that I've written onto another blog, here, and slowly I am reposting them, editing them for clarity (and typos), because originally I wanted to be motivated to attempt NaNoWriMo again, but I have absolutely no original ideas. I'd like to tackle maybe something I've already started, but that isn't in the spirit of the month. It's almost day 4 anyways, which means my word count is already about 5000 behind where it should be to finish in time. I guess we'll have to see what happens.