I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

“if only you could see”

Thomas Bailey Aldrich. (part five)

Dec 30, 2009 || 2:31 AM || comment?

(note: i intend to add more to this post, will write "edit" when i have. i want to post it though because i haven't posted recently. enjoy.)

Up to her chamber window
A slight wire trellis goes,
And up this Romeo's ladder
Clambers a bold white rose.

I lounge in the ilex shadows,
I see the lady lean,
Unclasping her silken girdle,
The curtain's folds between.

She smiles on her white-rose lover,
She reaches out her hand
And helps him in at the window-
I see it where I stand!

To her scarlet lip she holds him,
And kisses him many a time-
Ah, me! it was he that won her
Because he dared to climb!

"Keep your eyes closed!" Lidiya demanded as Aleksandra was about to open her eyes. She felt too anxious to sit still.

"You don't want me to poke your eye, eh?" Lidiya asked as she continued brushing eyeshadow over Aleksandra's lids.

"No..."

Lidiya continued in relative silence; Aleksandra was tapping her fingers nervously against the chair she was sitting in. After carefully applying eyeliner, and painting Aleksandra's lips a rosy pink, Lidiya had finished.

"Okay, you can get up now."

"Good!" Aleksandra exclaimed as she jumped out of the chair and bolted to the mirror. She delighted in her appearance. She turned around and smiled at Lidiya.

"Thanks so much!" She said, then gave Lidiya a tight hug.

"Just remember your promise..."

The sun was shining in such a way that it made it hard to look around without shielding the eyes. Aleksandra held her hand above her forehead, but the sunlight was still intense. Viktor took his hat off and dropped it on Aleksandra's head. It fell over her eyes and she laughed lightly. She turned around to face him, and lifted the hat so his face wouldn't be obscured from her vision. He rose his brow at her and she smiled again. He took the hat, placing it back on his head.

"Thank you for taking me out with you." Aleksandra said.

"Of course, it is the very least I could do." Viktor smiled back at Aleksandra, who felt herself getting very lightheaded. She wrapped her arm around Viktor's for support, and they continued walking in this manner. Aleksandra looked around in amazement, not recognizing any of the stores they passed along the sidewalk.

"What about this store?" Viktor asked as they passed a viewing window with three mannequins in various styles of dresses, no doubt worth more than anything Aleksandra had ever owned in her life. She turned to him, looking slightly shocked.

"This is..."

"It is what? I would be upset if you turned down my offer." Aleksandra shook her head then looked down at her feet.

"No, I'm sorry...I would really like it a lot..."

"Then why the hesitation? I'm sure there is something in here made just for you."

Together they entered the store, and soon Aleksandra felt overwhelmed by the quality of the clothing and felt even more ashamed that she could never hope to afford anything in the store. A woman soon approached the pair, and with a too-cheery smile said, "Welcome! Is there anything I can help you with today?"

Viktor nodded. "We're looking for a dress. Whatever suits her style." He motioned to Aleksandra, and the saleswoman directed her attention to the young woman.

"I...I'd like to look around for a bit, if that's alright." Aleksandra said quietly.

"Not a problem! Let me know if you need anything!" The saleswoman disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. Aleksandra stood still for a moment, staring at her feet. Viktor gently placed his hands on her cheeks, and bent low towards her.

"Do not worry so much about the price. I want you to be satisfied with your dress. Go ahead." Aleksandra looked him in the eye then nodded. He let go and she slowly drifted around the store, rummaging through rack after rack of dresses. It wasn't that Aleksandra felt picky, it was she couldn't decide on only one dress. Each dress was more beautiful than the last. It was only when she thought she'd never be able to decide on a dress did she pull the last hanger on the rack.

It was a charcoal dress made of silk chiffon that stopped a few inches above her knees when she held it against herself. The front of the dress was gathered at the chest, with a belt of fabric below the bust. The dress was pleated below the belt, making gentle ripples in the fabric. It was beautiful.

She turned around, still holding the dress against herself and smiled at Viktor. He stared for a moment, presumably imagining her in the dress and he nodded. Her heart filled with excitement and she gave him a hug. He kissed the top of her head, then called over the saleswoman.

"Oh, excellent choice! Why don't you go change while we take care of the transaction?" The saleswoman pointed to a back room, where there were two stalls to change in. Aleksandra walked in and pushed in the button that locked the door. She quickly got undressed then slipped into the dress. It was extremely comfortable and looked even better than it had on the hanger. She twirled around, watching the skirt billow with delight. She stumbled over her own clothes and nearly fell on the ground. Feeling her cheeks reddening, Aleksandra stopped playing around and quickly gathered her things and stepped out of the room. Viktor was leaning against the wall just outside of the back room.

"Well..." he started, and stared at her once more. "That does seem very fitting for you. I knew there would be something in here just for you." Viktor offered her his arm again, and she gladly took it.

"Thank you," Viktor called out to the saleswoman as he and Aleksandra made their way out of the story. Aleksandra turned around, and waved to the saleswoman, who returned the wave with that overly cheerful smile.

"Goodbye now! We hope to see you soon!"

The restaurant was dimly lit, but alive with the buzz of people conversing. Soft music played to keep an ambient mood, and Aleksandra felt like she was in some scene from a movie. She grew increasingly quiet over the minutes, playing with the edge of her napkin as the two waited for their entrees. Viktor took a sip of his wine before speaking.

"I'm starting to think you're not enjoying yourself now that you've gotten so quiet," he pointed out. Aleksandra looked up, then smoothed out her napkin.

"I'm sorry...I really am enjoying this. It's a little overwhelming though..." She began twirling her spoon now, trying to divert her nagging thoughts to any manner of action she could.

"Overwhelming? Perhaps this is a bit much. But I wish you would speak to me instead of playing with your spoon." As soon as he said this, Aleksandra let the spoon fall to the table with a light clang. She felt her cheeks getting red, so she avoided Viktor's gaze.

"I'm also a little worried.."

"..About Natalia?" Viktor finished Aleksandra's thought. He sighed and took another sip from his glass. "There is nothing you need to worry about. She will learn the hard way, if necessary." Aleksandra was confused at Viktor's statement about Natalia, but she did feel comforted that he would make sure nothing would happen. The waiter returned with their meals and Viktor looked delighted.

"I was starting to get a little impatient."

Labels: fiction junction, Viktor's Girls

Panic switch. (part four)

Dec 28, 2009 || 11:56 PM || comment?

The dining room smelled of buckwheat pancakes and sausages. There was a large wooden table in the middle of the room, with five chairs along either side, and two at either end. Both ends were empty, but the ten other chairs were already filled, and a quiet buzz filled the air. Viktor was always the last to arrive for breakfast, but always just on time. The girls always arrived earlier, fearing he might be upset if they made him wait. It was unusual, however, that Natalia's chair was empty still. Two men from the kitchen began placing plates in front of every seat, and filling the glasses with a beverage of the girls choice. It was just then that Viktor entered the room and everyone fell silent. Viktor raised his brow.

"Why did you stop conversing? There's no sense in being so quiet on a lovely morning like this."

Another moment of silence passed before one girl tested the waters. Viktor simply smiled and nodded, and the conversation slowly grew louder. He sat at the head of the table, and requested a glass of juice. One of the kitchen chefs nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. Viktor scanned the room, without so much as batting an eye at Natalia's empty chair. He slowly stood again and shook his head.

"This seems a little unfair, don't you think?"

Conversation halted for a second time, and the girls turned their attention to Viktor.

"Those two men work so hard for us. We should give them a break, don't you think?"

The girls cast sideways glances at each other then nodded in unison.

"Come, good sirs. Take my place, and the other one at the other end. Yes, it is my pleasure. Good. Hmm."

Viktor scanned the room once more.

"Aleksandra. Would you like to accompany me in the kitchen?"

Everyone turned to look at her, whose eyes went wide. She quickly nodded and stood from her seat.

"Wonderful! And if Natalia should arrive, advise her to take Aleksandra's seat." The girls still sitting all nodded, then Viktor headed to the kitchen. Aleksandra followed, her heart pounding against her chest.

"Well, that's a shame. It seems they've already finished cooking," Viktor commented. He shuffled about the kitchen, clearly not knowing where anything was yet still managing to keep cool at the same time.

"Yes. It all smells very good. We should bring out the trays..they've already passed out the plates as well." Aleksandra swallowed hard after speaking. It took a lot of courage just to say those words.

"Is that so?"

Aleksandra nodded. Having pulled all the drawers except the one near Aleksandra, she pulled it open herself and found the forks and knives.

"Oh good. It seems they've rearranged the kitchen since I've last been in here." Aleksandra smiled at this, she knew Viktor probably never set foot in this kitchen since it had been built.

She handed some silverware to Viktor, feeling as if she might have exploded when his hand grazed hers. Flashes of the prior night's events flooded into her mind, yet her heart raced when she was near him all the same. It was obvious why all the girls chose to go with Viktor, but it wasn't quite as obvious why he chose them. Viktor took notice of Aleksandra's flushed cheeks. He set the silverware down, then walked around the counter to be next to her. She looked up into his piercing blue eyes. She wondered what he was thinking as he stared at her.

"I remember the first moment I saw you," Viktor started as he lifted a hand and brushed Aleksandra's cheek, "At the time, I was foolish enough to believe the flowers enhanced your beauty, but now I can see that it was your beauty that enhanced the flowers'." Her eyes grew wide and she began to feel a burning sensation in her chest. She hadn't realized that she had been holding her breath the moment Viktor touched her cheek. His lips were now inches away from hers, and he touched the top of her thigh. As he placed his lips lightly on hers, he ran his fingers along the outside of her thigh. A jolt of pain shot through her as he traced over where she gripped herself, causing her to pull away abruptly. Viktor looked just as shocked as her, which was almost immediately followed by the sound of something breaking. He stared at her for a moment longer before running back into the dining room, where another crash resounded. Aleksandra ran after him and stood next to him in the door way where they witnessed Natalia throwing quite the fit. There was a savage look about her, with her hair tousled and a sleeve falling down a shoulder. She looked up at Viktor's arrival, then shot a finger in his direction.

"You!" Natalia cried out. "You told this ungrateful person to sit in my chair? And make me sit there?!" She pointed first to one of the kitchen chefs, then to Aleksandra's empty chair. Viktor gave a smile that reeked of utter satisfaction.

"My sweet Natalia. You were late for breakfast, as I recall. And that ungrateful person makes all of our meals without so much as a thank you, so I thought he might enjoy being catered to for a change. Is your life so superior to his, or anyone else's for that matter, that you cannot join us in a timely manner?"

Natalia looked livid. Her lips twitched but no words came out. At a loss, she wheeled around on the back of her foot and marched right out of the dining room. One of the chefs stood to clean the mess.

"Please, stay in your seat. Yuliya, please clean the mess. Do be careful." Yuliya nodded, then rose from her seat and began picking up the broken pieces of glass. Viktor turned to Aleksandra and motioned for her to come back into the kitchen. In silence, Viktor handed the tray of pancakes to Aleksandra, and he carried the plate of sausages into the dining room. She followed him, and together they placed the food on each plate, and when they finished serving, Viktor gave a bow. The girls each said their thanks, and began eating as the pair walked back into the kitchen. Aleksandra handed Viktor her tray. After setting them on the counter, Viktor let out a long sigh.

"That Natalia. She is a fierce one. But you, Aleksandra. Did my kiss offend you so?"

The red crept back into her cheeks, and she felt ashamed. She played with the hem of her shirt, and shook her head.

"Then why did you pull away?"

"I...it wasn't meant that way. I..." Tears slowly filled her eyes, but she did not want Viktor to see her cry. She turned her leg and pointed out her foot so Viktor could get a clear view of the four half moon marks on her thigh.

"Aleksandra, who did this to you?" He bent down, and gently held her thigh with both hands. He inspected the four marks, red and swollen due to inflammation.

"Ah...I..did this to myself.." Viktor looked up at her from his bent position, and she looked away. He stood up, and gently turned her face to his.

"Why did you do this?"

"I'm sorry.." she said, a couple of tears falling that she could no longer hold back. She was too embarrassed to tell him why. Viktor didn't seem satisfied with her response, but he decided not to press the issue.

"Well. May I at least have my kiss?"

Aleksandra nodded. Viktor lifted her chin upwards, and he pressed his lips lightly against hers, giving the most tender kiss imaginable. He looked at her and smiled.

"Let's eat breakfast now."

Chatter continued in the dining room as if none of the previous events had occurred. The two chefs were also delighted, especially enjoying the fact that they were surrounded by so many pretty girls. Viktor thanked Yuliya for cleaning the mess, and she nodded. Aleksandra heard none of what was being said around her. She kept thinking about the kiss she received in the kitchen. It was her very first kiss. She contemplated the true meaning of the kiss as she studied each girl at the table. To her right was Lidiya, who smiled when she noticed Aleksandra looking. Lidiya was closest to Viktor, on his left side. Lidiya was older than herself, but she didn't know how long Lidiya had been staying with Viktor. To Aleksandra's left was Vera. She was half Russian, half Japanese. It was easy to see why Viktor was attracted to her. She had jet black hair with almond shaped eyes. She was the most exotic girl at the table. To Vera's left was Galine. Galine was the youngest. Aleksandra couldn't fathom her true age (nor did she want to ponder how old Viktor really was). To Galine's left was Anya. Anya could draw really well, and it's been said that she gave Viktor a naked drawing of herself. Across the table from Anya was Daria. Her hair was always some unnatural color and she also wore a tongue ring. Lidiya insisted that it was a very beneficial asset. To Daria's left was Yuliya, who cleaned the broken glass. She is very obedient and has been living with Viktor the longest. Faina was to Yuliya's left. She constantly compared herself to Natalia, but the two couldn't be more different than a cat and a frog. She wasn't ugly by far, but she most certainly was not Natalia. To Faina's left was Katerina. Katerina was the quietest of all the girls, and she shared a room with Apollinariya (who was to her left). Nariya, as she preferred to be called over Polina, and Katerina became very close friends, and it was rumored that they were much more than that. Nariya wasn't the most talkative of the girls either, but she could make Katerina light up. Viktor noticed this and would always spend time with them together. Viktor's tastes were horribly inconsistent, which left Aleksandra feeling confused. She picked at her food for the remainder of the meal and helped Viktor clean off the table and wash the dishes.

"You were quiet during breakfast." Viktor pointed out. Aleksandra nodded and continued wiping the dishes dry and putting them away (after searching for the proper cabinet).

"I was enjoying listening to everyone," she said, feeling it was neutral enough of a response not to warrant any more questions.

"Ah. Perhaps our kiss left you speechless?" Aleksandra nearly dropped the plate she was drying. Viktor chuckled, smiling once again with that satisfied grin.

"I can always kiss you again. Don't think you have to cherish that one."

"Well..to be honest...that was my first kiss, ever." Viktor continued to smile as Aleksandra admitted this.

"Well this makes me very pleased. Perhaps we should celebrate. Tonight we will dine together while the others stay at home. Does this sound good to you?" Aleksandra nodded, and was about to open her mouth to saying something.

"Don't worry about what to wear. We will go shopping as well." Viktor's smile was different this time, it was warm. Aleksandra felt weightless and a little uneasy.

"That sounds like a nice time."

"Good. We will leave at four, then? Enjoy the rest of your day until then." Viktor shooed Aleksandra out of the kitchen. For a dazed moment, she stood frozen in the empty dining room, then she ran into her room, slamming the door behind her. Lidiya jumped in her chair.

"What took you so long? And why'd you slam the door??" She demanded to know.

"Oh, my mind is racing!"

Aleksandra sat on her bed and sighed, and Lidiya joined her. She sat with her legs crossed, an anxious look on her face.

"Before we ate, Viktor kissed me. The first time he had his hand on my thigh where I'm hurt at, which scared me so I pulled away, but almost at the same time Natalia broke something, then we went into the dining room and Viktor scolded her then she left, then we went back into the kitchen again where we kissed again, and it felt so wonderful, then when we finished eating and we were washing the dishes, he invited me to dinner and he's going to take me shopping!"

"Aleksandra! Catch your breath!" Lidiya stared in awe. Aleksandra inhaled deeply, then exhaled.

"You're so lucky..." Lidiya admitted. "Viktor asked me out once before, but Natalia was so upset he had to cancel. He hasn't approached me again since..." Aleksandra frowned but she was still extremely excited.

"Oh, please, let me help you get ready! I'm so excited for you!" Lidiya asked. Aleksandra nodded with a smile. "Great!"

"I'll tell him that it was you that made me look so pretty."

"Oh really? Thanks!"

Labels: fiction junction, Viktor's Girls

Natalia

Dec 24, 2009 || 3:44 AM || comment?

Trying to figure out what next to write.

In the mean time, enjoy this picture I drew, inspired by Olivia Wilde. Click to enlarge.

Labels: fiction junction

Wait, there is a light. (part three)

Dec 22, 2009 || 3:13 AM || comment?

Much like the single row of chairs the girls sat in, they walked in single file, heading back to their respective rooms. There were five rooms in the hall, each room housing two girls. Viktor’s house was nothing short of being a mansion, at times feeling crowded, then as if the endless halls and rooms might eat them alive. Natalia’s room was in a separate hall, and she had her own room. Despite all of the special favors she received, Viktor never slept with her in her room. Nor did he sleep in the rooms of any of the other girls. Natalia always had to ask permission, though it was doubtful Viktor would ever decline. It was obvious to the other girls that this sometime irked her, but it was also noted that Viktor would do anything to remind them all he was in control.

Their bare feet shuffled across the floor, tired and careless. The blonde girl slipped quietly into her room, going straight to her bed and letting her body fall lifelessly on it. She exhaled loudly, the warmth of her breath making her cheeks feel slightly uncomfortable, so she rolled over and stared at the ceiling. The door opened for a second time, but the blonde didn’t look up. Barely shoulder length light brown hair, small nose, and light pink lips. Sharp hazel eyes much like a cat’s. Her name was Lidiya.

“Oh Aleksandra, I…” she started, and the blonde girl sat up. She lightly ran her fingers over her left thigh, feeling a twinge of pain and heat from inflammation.

“I couldn’t control myself...” Lidiya admitted, pacing around the room with her shorts still unbuttoned.

“It’s okay Lid… he couldn’t see us.”

“But the other girls! I…”

“They will mind their own. We’re all in the same situation aren’t we? Let’s go take a shower.”

For Aleksandra, the only time she ever felt somewhat normal was when she took a shower. For a few minutes, her worry would melt away, with the steam rising up or maybe down the drain with the rest of the dirt and grime she collected throughout the day. The shower was a collective one, but much more decorative and sanitary. The sound of their feet slapping on wet tiles echoed in the shower, an awkward break to the silence that hung over them. Aleksandra studied Lidiya’s backside, from her small shoulders, to her tiny waist, to her lower backside. She then thought about Natalia’s naked form, and wondered why Viktor would have such varying tastes. Lidiya turned, and facing Aleksandra now, she caught her staring.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked, embarrassment creeping in her cheeks.

“Sorry,” Aleksandra muttered, and quickly turned around. Lidiya noticed the red marks on Aleksandra’s thighs, and stepped closer to have a better look.

“Are you okay?” she asked, as she knelt down and inspected the four half moon marks embedded in her skin.

“Yeah, I...” Aleksandra started, feeling her own cheeks getting flushed.

“You should clean it…” Lidiya suggested. She stood up again, searching Aleksandra’s face for clues.

“Right..”

Labels: fiction junction, Viktor's Girls

Anna Molly. (part two)

Dec 21, 2009 || 2:53 AM || comment?

Natalia was in no way the first woman he had, but she was undoubtedly the best. Never nervous, she always gave Viktor exactly what he wanted- and more. Despite having her, he still wanted others.

In the room adjacent to Viktor's, separated by the same wall that had the mirror, was the other side where the other girls were, forced to watch by means of the two-way mirror. Viewing was something they were subjected to, it being deemed beneficial to see Natalia and how she acted. Chairs were placed in a single file row, and supervision was nearby to ensure they wouldn’t look away or try to leave. A couple of them who had been exposed to this a few times before were silent throughout the whole ordeal, and perhaps processing what they saw in order to apply this in order to improve upon themselves. The rest sat still as well, but their composure was rigid, afraid to move for fear of what might happen to them. Their cheeks were flush with embarrassment, and their eyes were filled with tears. One of the girls had long blonde hair, reaching down to the middle of her back. Her hands were on her thighs, fingers digging into her skin. Her eyes too were filled with tears that began streaming down her cheeks. Her chest felt tight, and her wants betrayed her thoughts. The entire situation felt unreal, and yet through blurred vision she watched as Viktor continued his rhythmic movement, keeping Natalia pinned against the mirror so they could all see. She felt disgusted at what she saw, and even more disgusted at what she felt between her legs. One of the older girls at the end of the row couldn’t keep her feelings contained, so she shoved her hand down her shorts, but kept her eyes on Viktor. The only sounds were the rustle of her shorts and her panting breath. The blonde continued pressing her nails into her skin, desperate to not succumb to such shameful actions.

Labels: fiction junction, Viktor's Girls

Love hurts. (part one)

Dec 20, 2009 || 4:13 AM || comment?

The apple that was pressed against her mouth had the same deep red color as the one painted on her lips. She flashed pearly teeth that bit down into the apple with a satisfying crunch and a spray of juice that trickled down her chin. She finished chewing and smiled, then licked her lips. Across the room was a man, sitting on a bed. A man with more physical desires than any single woman could hope to fulfill. He was a handsome man, with dark and intense features: dark brown hair, broad shoulders, a square jaw, and skin that had seen just enough sun, and a charming, but manipulative, demeanor. The only light things about him were his eyes and his laugh. But those too were deceptive. His eyes were a piercing light blue, and his laughter only had the façade of being earnest. There was once a way to see the fragile insides of this man. Physical intimacy allowed his rough layers to be pulled back. His first experience with such an encounter was no doubt enlightening, as many would agree. But as he grew older, he became more corrupt, and now even an act as cherished as sex became corrupt as well.

And the woman with the apple isn’t the only one.

His name was Viktor, and he managed to charm ten others, all residing with him. Their ages vary but none of them are the same age as him.

He waited on the bed as the woman with the apple made her way towards him. She moved slowly, teasing Viktor with her body as she slowly removed articles of clothing, and letting them fall to the ground. She placed both arms behind her back and slowly unzipped the dress she was wearing, the first article to be removed. She did this with a sly smile, and kept her gaze on Viktor. He sat, transfixed by her. She finished unzipping her dress, revealing a black lacy bra, but nothing covered her below the waist. Viktor snapped out of the trance, then stood and pulled off his shirt. Not able to wait any longer, he came to her then lifted and carried her. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and her arms around his shoulders. Her calf muscle twitched, but her grip was firm. He brought her to the mirror that was built in the wall on one side, and kept her against it. Goosebumps prickled on her skin, and she held him more tightly for warmth. He unhooked her bra, and delighted in the sensation of her chest on his. She began kissing his neck, then with a voice that came from deep within, he moaned, “Oh… Natalia..”

Labels: fiction junction, Viktor's Girls

and slow it goes.

|| 1:44 AM || comment?

again, I fall out of the habit of blogging on a relatively regular basis...

today i felt a strong urge to write, but then i read over everyone's blogs and for some reason or another, the feeling dissipates. i suppose i'll just talk about something, then.

again i feel completely worthless at what i'm doing. what i'm not doing. why am i not applying myself? it's stupid. i have no discipline. i sit and complain about it and do nothing to change my behavior. sometimes i wish i could just not do anything, but then that would only be succumbing to defeat. sometimes i feel as if it is expected of me to do something great. hmm. i really need to change my attitude towards school.

i still don't know what i want to do. LGMC, lafayette general medical center has a radiology school i could apply for. two problems: no federal financial aid, and i need documented observation in a radiology department. where do i get this? i suppose that's a question to ask them. i have all the college credit for other general classes that they asked about.

i could be a teacher. i thought about it. i could be a math teacher. i don't want to be a teacher though. but i enjoy teaching. if i were to teach, i would prefer a high school class. hmm. i don't want to do lesson plans and grade papers though. hah, with the way i procrastinate, kids would never know their grades.

it would be nice to do something medically related. being a radiographer is an ideal choice for myself because it isn't too gory (i'm not actually sure how i'd fare in a gory situation), but mostly NO NEEDLES. hah. if i didn't mind needles, i'd be an anesthesiologist, all the way.

i'm still interested in lab work though. i don't know.

third semester flew by and fourth one is coming quickly. help?

Notice.

Dec 1, 2009 || 11:49 PM || comment?

Please divert your attention to my other blog:

http://365daysofbeingakid.blogspot.com/

This is where you can see my daily postings for my project, I hope everyone really enjoys it! Comments are appreciated but not necessary, questions will be answered, and rude comments will be deleted or ignored! But I know none of you will be rude, right? ;P