I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

“if only you could see”

And like Icarus I collide.

Jan 31, 2009 || 10:26 PM || comment?

It's pretty nice having random fruit in the plastic bowls I set up in the kitchen. I would love to get different kinds of apples, but this time we got some green ones. The green apples are always the kind of green of dying grass. The apples also don't get very big, much like their Red Delicious counterparts. (I think that's what they are actually called)

So I stroll into the kitchen, begin to cook the chicken that will take a total of two hours. In the meantime, lets eat an apple. I have the wide variety of apple, apple, apple, grapefruit. I'll save the grapefruit when I have other food to eat it with. It's not a good idea to eat a grapefruit by itself. So I pick an apple that looks promising, or rather, it probably the one my hand first touches. I twist off the stem and peel off the sticker. I take a knife and being slicing it. How easy would it be to just slice my finger? To skim it across my skin, and make a very superficial cut? I did this accidentally earlier whenever I picked up a broken hand mirror. Heh, actually the mirror was broken, yes, but I bent the outside to pop out the pieces. I didn't even realize I was cut until I threw away the three pieces, and looked at my hand. My left middle finger had a long white line, and it was the thinnest little flap of skin. I didn't know it was possible to skin myself like that. It probably happened when I pulled out the middle piece of glass from the mirror.

So despite my curious of cutting apples and fingers, I am still careful not to lose one. The apple pieces are very imperfect, they are not the cute wedges you might expect, instead they are very bad slivers, like if you ran a chord through a circle. Make the circle an apple, and the chord because the slice of apple I managed to cut. I'm eating that one last because on its backside it looks like a very nice oval to me.

Green apples aren't my favorite because they are not that flavorful. A lot of times flavor is derived from smell. That's why you can pinch your nose and are sometimes able to down something particularly disgusting (like marshmallows and ketchup.)

That's why red apples are my favorite. They smell so wonderful.

For my friend Bethany, she always just had really great birthday parties. One year was like a Fear Factor theme. Kind of. Really the only part was eating those horrible marshmallows. Heh, Bethany threw up. But it reaaaaally helped to pinch your nose. Another thing we did was throw wet noodles onto someone. We got points for the amount of noodles on the person. Then we spit grapes into three buckets, of varying distance. Hehe, I won with the most points for that birthday. I forgot what I won, some kind of gift card.

She had scavenger birthdays, I think twice. It's still fun anyways haha. I just thought of one the activities we had to do, and the ridiculous irony is so much, I am not going to say what it was. Along with that, we had to walk through Kmart wearing Depends, do a "Chinese" fire drill. Can anyone at all explain to me why they call it a fire drill, and a Chinese one at that? If you don't know what it is, when you're at a red light, everyone gets out of the car, and runs around the car as many times as possible before the light turns green. Or there's a number of times, either way that is not a fire drill and I highly doubt any person of Chinese decent came up with it. I think we also had sleepovers where we watched a lot of scary movies? We were all really great friends. I mean...we all had our French classes with each other, and it was really cool. I don't regret at all the separation that occurred with high school.

I'm down to two slices of apple left, so what else should I talk about? you know I am not really talking, rather I'm typing. What else should I let you read about?

I really really want to get a dog whenever I am finished with college. The companionship is so wonderful. That way, whenever I am home alone I will be able to spend such great time with the little thing. Why do we as humans become attached to animals? Why do we as /animals/ become attached to other animals? Does anyone know around what time the first human is believed to have been found? And what kind of animals were around before us? I wonder why evolution did not allow those animals to be the humans of today, and us the animals. Those animals have survived the greatest tests of time.

You might ask what the point of that was. While I am correcting my typos as I type, I wanted to keep my original train of thought just so you could read it. You spent all this time reading so far that you deserve to know what it is I was really thinking.

Does anyone think they have a strange way in connecting certain thoughts or ideas? Like maybe there is a paper on the ground. And it's an old school paper. Then you think of other school papers, and look for them, and they scattered around. Then you think about the last day of school last year and remember how there were so many papers scattered about the courtyard. Maybe that's how everyone connects thoughts or ideas, random tangents that pop in your head. However, most people know when to verbally connect thoughts, and that is usually not how you would go about thinking them though. Like maybe you are asking me about music I've listened to, then I'll ask you if you've ever listened to a certain person. You only see it as: music, other artists. However in my head it goes: you mention artist, I think of a song by that artist, I think of that music video, it was kind of different, I think of an artist whose videos are all different, I think of that artist, I ask you: do you listen to this new artist? Why don't I mention to you all of those things I just thought about? I guess because we know how to filter our thoughts into appropriate conversation. While that wasn't really "inappropriate" it was, however, wordy, and kind of boring maybe. There is no need to explain all of that. Unless you're teaching math.

I finished eating my apple. (:

what am i doing. what am i doing.

Jan 30, 2009 || 9:52 PM || comment?

I feel incredibly lonely right now. Everyone is busy except for myself...I wish I wasn't so terribly dependent on others. I feel a little sad, and a lot afraid that this is what my future is going to be like. Naturally or unnaturally, we are all going to slowly separate from one another. As we grow older, and pick up our lives, and plant ourselves somewheres new, we are forced to leave tiny pieces of ourselves behind. So far I have left some friends and family behind. The affect at first did not feel like much, but right now it feels so incredibly overwhelming. As you get older, adults seem to have less friends. Or if they do have friends, they are very few and far between. I enjoy people, and the connection I get and feel from being with other people. I am pretty selective at who I want to get close to. I am friendly with all, I dislike few if any at all. I smile at random people who might make eye contact with me while I am walking to one of my classes, and they smile or wave back. The man watering the flowers in front of the Honors building. One cold day waiting for the traffic light to let me cross the street, and a small conversation is struck. Small, almost...pointless, meaningless, but I still remember it. I wonder if he remembers it. I was wearing sandals on that cold day. What an idiot. I make sure to wave at the man directing traffic in front of the church. He is much appreciated. Especially on cold days, and he is wearing a great, thick, brightly colored jacket, and sometimes this beanie that covers the whole face, much like an amateur robber might wear.

Why does it seem necessary to "grow up"? Right now I would like to go back to a time of...of what? Even riding the bus to or from school, and I would listen to my CD player the entire time. I would like to go back to getting to school at six in the morning and being completely random and silly with my brother. I would like to go back to grabbing the fence lined with Christmas lights and I get an electric shock. This is the earliest memory I can remember now. I think I was about four years old. We lived in a small yellow house on Ernest street. The metal fence had a thick bar growing across the top of it. And I grabbed it, and got a shock. Another very early memory, I always like blowing the dandelion flower seeds, and watching them drift away. There was one, tall, a very thick puff of seeds, against the fence. No thoughts about anything else other than: grab that flower. So I did. Stepping my leg into the largest ant pile you could ever imagine, and I remember hundreds of ants crawling up my leg. I remember sitting next to my mom on the bed, watching her make the grocery list out for the week. On Sundays we usually had barbecue. Brisket, ribs, sausage, chicken. Buttered Hawaiian bread. I remember also watching my mom balance her checkbook. A thick envelope with the month's transactions. And she did these things in a very nice routine. Making special things around Thanksgiving, and especially Christmas time. Chex mix, these cheese stick things, fudge..

I'm sorry that you are reading all of this, it is just me feeling sorry for myself right now.

...I guess that's the reason why I feel this way now.

In other, less emo news, I've got a Linux virtual machine on a DVD, and I need to download a virtual machine player. I've got to type up a program and submit by Monday night. Also on Monday I have a quiz in Calculus. Also on Monday I go to my first day of work. Also on Monday I...heh, just felt like writing that again.

I hear feet shuffling around outside...it makes me uneasy. Who could be out there? Why are they walking so slowly? Maybe I should lock my front door. Can they see through my blinds? Can they see me? Are they looking at me? Why are they looking at me?

I don't spend a lot of time looking at my face. I probably look at myself in a mirror once or twice a day. Those times would be brushing my teeth, (or of course, times when I wash my hands and glance at the mirror). But I mean really look at my reflection. I don't mind what I see there. I might fix my hair, especially if it is tucked behind my ears. I have a tendency to do that, but I don't like the way it looks. Most of the time however, I don't think much about my face or how it looks. And I am happy this way. Unless someone makes a remark about it (like big nose ._.) in which case I'll become conscious about it. But I don't wear makeup. I hardly do anything with my hair. The most I wear is a necklace, a ring, and spray some perfume. I also don't really have low self-esteem about my image, but I certainly don't brag about it either. I do need to get some new glasses, I hate that they are crooked (only because they slip a lot because they are loose because they are crooked because they are broken).

Lately my life has been extremely boring. My friend lays in the grass with his girlfriend (of course he pays for it with bad allergic reactions)...but I long to this kind of thing/these kinds of things. How can you do these things of simple pleasures when the other person finds they are boring? Most of the things I like are boring...

I'm really sorry you guys. Thanks for reading this anyways.

prettier than a pixel.

Jan 21, 2009 || 12:02 AM || comment?

the routine that makes up my day.

Wake up, roll out of bed. (i can literally do this because my bed isn't elevated.)
Put on: glasses, ring.
Go to the bathroom, brush teeth, deodorant.
Pick out an outfit, stand around a bit, finally put the outfit on.
Go back and get my phone from my bedside.
Look for my keys, checking the bedside, or the mantle first.
[or, if weather permitting/is desirable, leave the keys, ride my bike.]
Go to classes for the day, listening, learning, and at times, trying to stay awake.
Go home, hope I don't have a ticket because I don't have a parking tag.
[or, hope that my bike is not stolen because someone who lost THEIR lock uses mine...mostly because i can drive if need be.]
Realize every time, who wants a shitty bike with no kickstand, and a pedal missing?
Ride home, sit, relax, laze, nap, wake up, eat, chill, etc.
Look for a job in the comfort of my own home, return unsuccessful [as of yet].

I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together.

just letting you know, things are going to be different now,

A study of human life.

Jan 19, 2009 || 2:53 AM || comment?

The sun hung high above, the highest point it would reach this time at the middle of the day. Down below the mass of energy, taking in the sunlight, were two people, a guy and girl, sitting at the end of a wooden pier. Together they sat, close enough to be considered friends, but far enough to consider whether or not that awkward gap should be filled. Their bare feet dangled over the edge of the pier. The girl was leaning back some, arms stretched out behind her, supporting her weight while the guy next to her was taking a sip of some canned beverage. It wasn't known if they were sharing in some brilliant conversation, or perhaps they simply delighted in the other's presence. She was looking off into the distance, while every now and then he stole a glance at her. She finally looked at him, catching him in the act. In return she offered a wink and a smile, and he smiled back. Spontaneously, she rose from her spot, then began peeling off her clothes: first her shirt, then her jeans. Beneath it she revealed a two-piece swimsuit, that or matching bra and panties, but whatever the case it was clear her intention was to swim. She offered a brief farewell before jumping into the water, slowly warmed by the sun, then quickly agitated by her piercing form. When she swam back up to the surface, she looked at the guy, who seemed somewhat reluctant at first. Perhaps she pleaded with him, or maybe it took no convincing at all, but the metal clinking of his belt buckle easily revealed his decision to join her.

Sometimes I feel overly conscious about myself when I'm with a group of people, be it friends or people in my class. I wonder if everyone has noticed me, or are they currently noticing me, and are they completely enveloped in the conversation? I might glance at everyone to try and evaluate their concentration...and for that I feel at times that I am overly aware of myself, do I feel out of place, or am I thinking too much about the fact that I am here, and do others feel the same about themselves, or myself? Do other people ever overly think about their presence in a certain place, and do they wonder if other people are noticing that they are there? I'll look at other people, and try to wonder: do they think about things like this, in the same way that I do? Overly assessing their reason for being in a particular time or place, and wondering if they stick out and wondering if anyone else is feeling the same way. Sometimes I wonder if people have ever felt that about me, so I try to look at people, but their attention is not on me...so this makes me feel a little bit comforted I suppose- they don't notice that I am there...so I take it that it means I am not standing out or anything of the like. Or they could care less. Which is pretty much the same thing.

If you believe that a person is reincarnated, do you believe that this person is living new lives every time they are reborn, and their memories of past selves have been erased or taken away...which is why some people feel they have had a "former" life...because those memories were particularly strong or meaningful to their past selves, and it was simply too hard to completely do away with it? I think...it might be more comforting to think that I might be reincarnated, even if I won't have any memory of my currently working life...I guess I can only think about that /now/. And perhaps I'll feel the same way in my next life...which again I doubt I'll remember any of this. I guess if you believe there is nothing after death, then it'll just be like...sleeping eternally, with no dreams. Which...I don't know. I guess I value my friends and life in general too much to want to think about /that/ too much because frankly it makes me upset. I haven't really come to terms with what I may or may not believe about any particular afterlife, or lack thereof. Probably because most people are afraid of there being nothing after death is why they wish there is something after death. Or maybe there really is something after death. I'd ask a dead person, but I'm not exactly skilled at seances or whatnot. Maybe I'll go on that crossing over show. yeah right..

I wish there was a way to write a letter or something to my possible future self... my possible future afterlife/reincarnated self. But if I could do that, when I would receive that letter I'd probably be like "what the fuck" and be slightly paranoid about weirdos sending me weird letters...or maybe I'll be consumed with it and I might go crazy. But I doubt any of this would ever happen.

but it would be neat maybe if you died and then you dreamed for forever. i've got some pretty wicked dreams.

handsome girl; pretty boy.

Jan 13, 2009 || 1:39 AM || comment?

note: sorry, but I had this drifting in my head last night, so I'm gonna write it instead of the current piece. Hope you enjoy.

"What a dark and freezing night," he thought. Hands shoved in his jacket pocket, he walked along the path behind a row of houses. They were identical for the most part, the houses. He assumed their occupants were just as interesting. He had no clue where he was headed. Wherever his feet will take him seemed good enough. He finally reached the end of the path when he looked around. The last house had a fence around the back yard, the only one out of the entire row. He took another look around, then slowly walked to the house, to the gate of the fence. Another look around, and he tried to open the gate. It wasn't locked, and swung open with a piercing creak. He winced at this, but figured that everyone else was sleeping at this time. No need to worry...

Stepping into the secluded backyard area, he realized why a fence was put up. An in-ground pool was nicely centered, with lawn furniture placed for added relaxation. He walked up to the edge of the pool, and stared down at the water. The air was still, and he held his breath too. The water's surface was so still and clear that it was much like glass, smooth and solid and perfect. The floor of the pool was that nice light blue color, and it had been kept clean, and there was a diving board at the end. Why was it all so perfect? He unzipped his jacket and dropped it on the ground beside him. He wore a simple black shirt beneath, and he removed that as well. He kicked off his shoes, and unzipped his jeans. After tugging off his socks, he was left with nothing but his boxers. He moved slowly to the diving board, and stepped on, inching to the end of it. He exhaled and watched as his breath drifted away from him. Then, one deep inhale, bend of the knees, he launched himself off the board, and broke the surface of the water with his body, the severe chill piercing through him, but he continued to swim about underwater. His eyes were open and he thought they might freeze like that. He did a half spin to take a look at the world above him, he was now in that glass container of water, separate from the rest of the world in his own quite haven. He pretended now that he was alien to the above world, and attempted to break the surface. Almost reaching the surface, the last thing he saw, the wobbly figure of another, reaching out to him, desiring to make contact with the unknown. Then darkness.

On nights like this, she always found it impossible to get sleep. The world around her was strangely quiet while the thoughts in her mind were racing about. The darkness in her room did not add well to this, so she lifted herself out of bed and turned on the light. There was a desk with paper scattered on it, a book shelf filled to the brim, and porcelain dolls lined across its top. She looked at all of these things, none of them offering solace from her mind. A long screech broke the silence, and she turned to the window. Her room being on the second floor of the house, the window overlooked the backyard. She leaned her forehead on the window, and found the source of the sound. A guy, possibly her age or older, was walking towards the pool. She watched in confusion as he proceeded to take off his jacket, and dropped it on the ground. Then he removed the rest of his clothing save his boxers, and went to the diving board. "Is he crazy?" she said quietly, as she watched him step onto the board. Slowly inching forward, a pause, then a jump.

"Oh god."

Darkness gave way to light, but really it was just more darkness, but not from unconsciousness this time. Something that resembled a face hovered over his own, and he tried squinting to clear up the image. Slowly, the face of a girl came into clear view, and she seemed to be distressed. "Oh good you're awake.." she said, and he noted the worry in her voice. He tried sitting up, then he realized he was in a cocoon of blankets. "Don't move, okay? You need to stay as warm as possible. I would bring you inside but I can't really carry you...plus you broke into my backyard. What were you thinking?" He wasn't really sure what was going on, but he offered her a smile. "Well I'm glad you have a sense of humor, even when you've gone into hypothermia." A quick glance at himself, and he saw what he felt constricting him earlier, the blankets wrapped around him. There was also a small heater placed near his chest, powered by an extension cord. "I also called an ambulance, so they can make sure that you'll be okay. I don't want to take any risks...and don't worry. I'll just make up some story about who you are. So...you can tell me thanks later." He nodded, and she left his side for just a few moments, before returning with two paramedics, who then lifted him onto a stretcher. He heard her explain to them that he was her boyfriend, so they agreed to let her ride with them on the way to the hospital. She looked back at him as they lifted him into the ambulance, and he offered her another one of his smiles. She shook her head, then smiled back, and then got into the front of the ambulance, riding in silence, but her mind was still racing.

Labels: fiction junction

I will find the secret to your social chemistry.

Jan 12, 2009 || 7:00 PM || comment?

"Of all the people to find in that basement, it had to be him...I can't believe I embarrassed myself like that...it's a good thing he didn't seem to recognize me. I hope everything works out for him. If only I could get my problems solved..."

She walked through the town quarter where several people gathered for professional meetings, or casual ones to simply hang out with friends. The Underground City was one of several similar solutions to address the world's overpopulation problem. It wasn't exactly a "privilege" to live in the underground. When living costs became too high was when one made the move from the Metropolis to the underground. It was like being disconnected from the real world, even though their supplies came from above ground. Life wasn't exactly hard...but everything you once loved about the world above ground was something to be missed. No sunrise or sunset, no snow or rain. Things one might have taken for granted in an earlier life. There was one other reason why one might have moved to the underground. With the vast amount of people around, it seemed that those with magical powers were fairly abundant. However it only seemed this way because they stuck together in tightly knit groups, not able to fend for themselves, so they seeked power using numbers. Those with large pockets in the Metropolis owed their riches to these people with magical influences, but they were kept as deep, dark secrets. Those that fled to the Underground City were more or less welcomed as a normal member of society, adding their abilities with those of the others to keep the city functional. They were usually used to influence the emotions of others, to keep from falling into depression. With the passage of time, the magic slowly fades, which is why it can't be used for any kind of construction. Lost in her thoughts, the young girl ran into an elderly woman carrying a basket of fruit. She fell to the ground, and the fruit tumbled with her.

"Oh dear.." the woman spoke, then bent over to collect her fruit. "I'm sorry," the girl said, and helped the woman gather everything. "It's alright dear, just watch where you're heading next time...Oh my! You can't be more than five years old! What are you doing out and about by yourself? You could get hurt, or worse.." Taking a good look at the girl, the woman nodded. "I see you've scraped up your hand, and what happened to your knee? Surely you're staying out of trouble, dear? Where are your parents? I cannot believe they would let their child run about all alone." The elderly woman began looking around, hoping for a sign of a distressed parent possible searching for their child. "Hm, what to do with you? Come with me, child. I don't want anything to happen to you." The girl opened her mouth to protest, but the woman quickly out spoke her. "Not another word! You are too young to be out by yourself. Besides, I've got some fresh fruit. I bet you haven't had fresh fruit in a long while." It was true, she couldn't remember the last time she had a nice peach...The woman grabbed her hand tightly, and took her to a humble looking home. It was a bit bigger than the engineer's, but there was not an empty looking corner. The entire place was filled with random trinkets, and several crystals were laying around the place.

"What is this?" The little girl asked, reaching her hand out to a table with a crystal on it. The woman slapped the girl's hand away, then recomposed herself. "Now dear, you shouldn't touch anything without asking first."

"Oh...yes ma'am.."

"Now watch carefully..." She placed a palm over the crystal, and it slowly began to levitate. Colors then bled out of thin air, and swirled around the crystal. When it was high enough, she placed her other palm underneath it. The young girl watched in awe, then looked at the woman. "Can I touch it?" She nodded with a smile, then the girl took her index finger, and stuck it into the swirling colors. They stained her finger, but when she brought it close to examine it, the colors faded away. After the initial shock went away, she realized something incredible. This woman could help her! She could turn her back to normal, and everything would be better!

"Yes, isn't it something?" The woman set the crystal back on a the table with a soft thump, then turned away to walk into the kitchen. "Follow me, dear." She stared at the crystal for a moment longer before following her into the kitchen. The little girl climbed into a chair, and stared at the basket of fruit. Fresh fruit was a luxury in the underground. And it was also very hard to come by. Canned fruit was bountiful, however, but it could not compare. "Where did you get all this fruit?" she asked. The woman turned away from the counter, glanced at the basket, then at the little girl. "Yes..where did I get all of this wonderful fruit? Well I must admit I am a bit ashamed of myself...but do you promise to keep this a secret between you and me?" The little girl nodded, and the woman sighed. "I can conjure up your greatest desires. Whatever your heart is longing, I can make it a reality...even if for a few minutes. There's a man that makes a monthly trip to the Metropolis to keep food supplies stocked here. He misses his wife very much...the bitch must have left him when he decided to come to the Underground City. She was "too good" for that. He was a man with a pure heart.. I decided one day to read his heart, and that is what I learned. So I tried something, a little experiment. I transformed myself to look like his wife, and walked past him. He stopped me, asked kindly if I would listen to his story. He longed for her so much he would take anything that resembled her...so I spend a few minutes with him, we make friendly conversation, and he gives me the gift of this fruit. We both benefit from this." The girl was horrified with the story. "You..you don't feel guilty for doing this?"

The woman turned away from the girl. "I do...but I will not stop doing this. Unless he wants to stop seeing me...but until then.." The little girl decided that the woman had in fact fallen in love with that man, even though he loved her for something she clearly wasn't. She reached out to the fruit basket, then carefully put something in her pocket. "And.." she woman spoke up again, "I know who you are. You are no child. I was given specific instructions not to help you. I am sorry." The young girl frowned at this, then got up from the chair. "I'm going to leave now," she said, and the woman nodded. "I will show you the door." After saying their farewells, the woman shut the door, and the girl slowly walked away. She made it back to the town quarter before sitting on a bench. Sticking her hand in her pocket, she pulled out a peach. Lightly fuzzy, and smelling delicious, she glanced in the direction of the old woman's house before taking a bite out of the fruit.

Labels: fiction junction

I see your face and smile. - edit.

Jan 11, 2009 || 12:52 AM || comment?

I don't really have a solid idea for a story I want written right now. I just know that I want to write something. All of this is going to be random. I'll be pulling inspiration from a number of things I have seen/done/felt/whatever. Anyways, I don't care if you like it or not, or rather, if you like it, yay (:, but if not, I don't care. It's also kind of an exercise to get myself into the mood of writing again.

note: i had no idea how long this was going to be.

another note: i'll finish this another day.

Would you like to know what the weirdest thing to experience is? It's not like smoking some drug or drinking until you forget who you are. It is waking up one day to find that you are suddenly in the body of a child. I guess that after all, I cannot write this off as a mere "freak accident." Making the wrong person angry is all it takes. And if that person has magical abilities, you might wake up as a kid again. I'm sure you can guess what I was told. "I'll teach you not to act like a child again." I hate irony.

Anyways, when I woke up, I not only had to climb out of my sheets, but my night gown was like a blanket itself. I experience so many emotions at once that morning. Unfortunately for me, "that morning" was only two days ago. I'm still running around as a kid. What makes it even better is that I'm not allowed to tell anyone my true age, or the circumstances of my situation. I suppose it is part of the punishment. I wonder what would happen...but I imagine it would be something really horrible. I am not that curious. My thoughts are, for the most part, still of a 22-year-old. I'm having a hard time writing this, however. My hand writing is atrocious and I'll be lucky if I can even read this when I'm finished. You know, it is amazing some of the things you can get away with when you're a kid.

The sound of water dripping and steam hissing echoed down a dimly lit hall. Pipework ran along a wall, branching throughout the basement, and if followed long enough, would lead back up and into the homes of everyone that lived in the Underground City. Going back down the hall, the muffled sound of footsteps could be heard. Around the corner, the sound grew more audible until a young man's silhouette was in view. In the scarce amount of light, his face was barely visible. A light beard lined his jaw, and plenty of hair was on top of his head to keep him warm. Goggles shielded his hazel eyes, face leaning in close to a particular pipe, the source of the hissing. He would fix the incessant drip next. A wrong turn of the wrench in his hand released a violent burst of steam that threatened to give him a new face.

"Shit!" he exclaimed, jumping back and dropping the wrench as well. The metal clanged loudly, adding percusson to his vocal outburst. He felt his cheek stinging slightly, but he was unharmed for the most part. He sighed and picked up the wrench in order to continue his work. The hiss faded, and the pipe was fixed- for now.

"One down," he said a bit apathetically. This young man was an engineer that kept the Underground City in working order. He had several innovative plans that would be sure to improve everyone's lives. Yet, age prevented him from being recognized as a knowledgeable voice in the community. Elders unanimously voted that things would be kept the same way, as they had been for the past couple of centuries. Dreams crushed, the Engineer was resigned to fixing leaky pipes or circuitry that needed replacing. He frowned at the inefficiency of everything, but did his best to mask his true feelings. He loved spending time in the basement, that wasn't his problem. Close-mindedness was. Better make the best of it, he thought. A cheerful whistling now echoed throughout the halls.

"One...more...step." A young girl that appeared to be about six years old was lowering herself on a metal ladder into a basement. She dropped herself down, feet smacking lightly on a wet concrete surface. She looked around and saw no one, but a light tune filled her ears. The little girl gave no more than a second's thought on the trouble she could be in if she were found. Curiosity took a deep grip onto her mind, and her feet began to take her towards the source of the sound. The dark halls made her feel a bit wary, but then she puffed her chest out.

"I'm not scared," she proudly stated to no one in particular. Reaching the end of the hall gave her two choices: left or right? She took a moment to listen carefully. The sound seemed a bit louder, but she wasn't too sure in which direction it was coming from. She shrugged, then chose the right side. She could now hear the sound of water dropping in a rhythmic beat. She decided to find the source of the drip instead, and continued down the hall. At the end of the hall there was only one option: go left. It was a good thing too, the source of the drip came from this hall. She walked up to wet spot on the ground, then looked up. A water drop was coming down at the same time, and landed on her forehead.

"Hey..." she said, rubbing it away with the back of her hand, "that wasn't very nice." From the corner of her eye, she noticed a shadow making its way to the hall she was in, along with the whistling she was following earlier.

"Uh oh," she muttered, then she started to run. Not one of her better decisions (such as coming down to the basement in the first place), she slipped and scraped her knee and hand. Her eyes welled with tears, but she picked herself up, and hid behind the corner.

"Hey there!" the Engineer called out, "No one's supposed to be down here without a card! Show yourself, along with your card!" The girl shut her eyes tight, tears falling down her cheeks. Then she slowly walked into the view of the Engineer. "Oh..." he said with a hint of sympathy in his voice.

"Hey, little girl, what are you doing down here? It can be very dangerous you know.." He glanced at the girl, then barely noticed in the dim light that her knee was bleeding, and her clothes were wet.

"Hey..." he spoke softly, "did you fall? Come closer so I can take a better look." She took a step forward, slowly, gingerly. "Okay, you can stay right there, I'll come to you." The Engineer set down his red box of tools, and walked over to the girl. From his back pocket he pulled out a clean handkerchief. "I'm gonna tie this around your knee, okay? To stop the bleeding." She nodded, then he bent down and wrapped the cloth carefully around her knee. "Did you get hurt anywhere else?" She showed him her left hand, the palm was scraped and also bleeding. "Well..I only had one handkerchief. Hm...what were you doing down here anyways? Right now that doesn't matter I suppose, we need to get you cleaned up. I'm gonna carry you, okay?" Again the girl nodded. She climbed onto his back, and he stood up slowly. "Hang on tight okay...we have to go up that ladder, and I don't need you to hurt yourself again, okay?" She stayed silent the entire time. "I guess I'll just leave my tools here," he said under his breath, then walked to the ladder, and set one foot on.

"Whatever you do, don't let go of me."

He climbed up slowly, one careful step at a time, until they made it to the higher ground. He had to squint his eyes as they adjusted to a normal amount of light, or what was considered normal for the city. He set the girl down, then took a good look at her. She kept her gaze to the ground the entire time, embarrassed and feeling guilty. "Look, I'm gonna take you to my place, and there I hope you give me some answers, okay? Also I'm going to clean your knee and hand for you. So climb back on."

From the living room, she could hear a kettle whistling. The young man returned with a small white box in his hand. A small table was next to the couch the little girl sat on, her feet dangling off the edge, barely skimming the ground. He turns on the lamp sitting on the table, and the girl looks up at him. In the light she can see his face clearly, and she recognizes him as a boy she knew as a friend...in her former 22-year-old life. She had no idea he worked as an engineer in the basement, and likewise, he had no idea of her true identity.

A heated feeling in her chest built up, she was nervous, now more than before, and she felt her cheeks getting flushed.

"Hey, don't worry," he said, noticing her face getting red, "I'm not going to hurt you. But you need to let me clean this so it won't get infected." He bent down and propped her leg on his knee, and untied the handkerchief. Opening the box he pulled out a small brown bottle. He twisted off the cap and took a cotton ball from the box. He wet the cotton ball with the peroxide, and began cleaning her knee off. It began to bubble with contact of her skin, and she winced at the pain. He then took her hand and cleaned it off as well. He then wrapped her knee and hand in more appropriate bandages. "All better now, huh? You don't have to be so quiet...anyways, what were you doing down in the basement?"

Embarrassment creeped up again, and she looked away. "I...got lost.." He raised a brow, hardly believing she got lost, but he didn't have the heart to be harsh to her. "Well look, I'm sure you can find your way home now, yeah? You shouldn't go places you don't know...anyways, what's your name?" She told him her name without thinking much about it. "You know, I know a girl with the same name...I wonder what she's doing.." he thought aloud. She suddenly realized what she had done, and was startled by his reaction- did he mean /her/? "Anyways...do you want something to eat?" After a moment, she nodded, and he led her into the kitchen.

"Sorry it's nothing special...but I love eating potatoes. And it's really easy to make.." She looked down at the bowl of soup, steam rising in wisps. Personally she could care less for potato. It was the most abundant food to eat down here, and she had grown tired of it. "But you know, I am a really good cook. Give it a try." It was a thick soup, and she dipped her spoon in. She blew at it to cool it some, then slid the spoon into her mouth. The soup had a cheesy taste, with nicely sized chunks of potato. "How is it?" he asked, and she nodded with a smile. "Good...glad you like it...hey, you're a kid, right? And I'm sure you've got a lot of nice ideas. Creativity. But no one ever listens to you. You know what? I have the same problem." He stood from his seat, and began pacing around the table, not even having touched his soup. "I'm working all the time in that wet basement, fixing leaks, replacing old parts. But I've got a lot of really great ideas to improve how everything works down there..but no one wants to listen to me. Because I'm not "old enough" and therefore I must not know what I'm talking about. But they're all old and afraid of change! We can't live like this forever...but they won't listen to me." He sighed and leaned against the wall. The girl place her spoon on the table, then looked at him. "Then show them," she said.

"Huh?"

"Uhm...they don't believe you, right? Show them what you're talking about. Draw it or something..."

"It's not that easy, though! They're old and stubborn..."

"Did you even try?"

"No.."

"Then give it a shot. Give them a demonstration or something...so they can really see it.." She watched his face, his expression one of deep thought, of fear, and a hint of hope. "You're right, kid. They can't deny physical proof!" He ran out of the kitchen, then returned with a scroll of paper (and a look of wild excitement), and spread it over the table, knocking over his bowl of soup. She flinched at the sound of the bowl shattering, but he didn't seem to notice. A complicated looking set of blueprints lay before them. Thick lines twisting and turning, and at one corner was a legend. "All I need to do is clean this up a bit, put it in a more..legible form. This is gonna be brilliant!" He smiled at the little girl, and she gave him a silly smile. "I'm sorry, going off like that...you're a little kid, I doubt you care about any of this stuff. But thanks, yeah? Anyways I need to get to work...can you make it home on your own?" She nodded, then stood from her chair.

"Uhm...what about that bowl?"

"Huh? Oh geez..." he looked at the floor, then back at the table. "I'll pick that up later."

Labels: fiction junction

And I see in your eyes..

Jan 2, 2009 || 12:50 AM || comment?

that you really weren't surprised at me at all...Not..at all. And I know by your smile it's you...

it's January 1st, 2009. really? Well, haha actually it's the second. time is slipping through my hands again...

What about 2008? I laughed, I skated, I inner-tubed...

Besides the fact that it obviously happened, the end of my senior year in high school feels like it was so long ago...longer than 2008 ago. What happened in 2008? I went to my last math tournament, spent a week doing math in Sacramento in the summer, I suffered a titration all by my lonesome, yet with others at the same time, and still shared a Chemistry lab laugh (or ten). I played lots of pondue (sp?) and ate lots of Buffalo Wild Wings. I saw many a free movie, went to college, woke up on my own daily and set off to class, I saw snow, and had a pretty neat 19th. Went to a club for the first time, drew some constellations in the sky. This paragraph is really short actually...for a year's worth of memories.

Oh it would be so nice to have some coffee together...

I had such a fun time watching fireworks with my friends, and lighting one on my own. It didn't matter how cold it was outside...Brian's energy is something I think is amusing, and I enjoyed that too. I drank my first soda in a year. I opened it slowly for a satisfying sound, pop? hiss..There was good food, and wonderful singing skills haha. I sang a duet with Brian, as well...his favorite song..I really like that song too though haha.

I'm mostly sitting here, staring and thinking, listening to my music, then type out a few things.

I guess I still have a lot on my mind, but it's not really anything I feel like writing about.

I could always...write a story.

But I don't even feel like that. I took a nap. From nine to eleven something...I don't remember falling asleep, I just know I wish I slept longer. Now I'll be up even later, maybe. Haha or I just won't be able to sleep when I do lay down.

What am I supposed to do now?...I feel so empty right now.