And I wonder as I lay here, in this sleepless field of dreams..

HELLO!

Somehow you've stumbled upon my blog, scraping the ends of the internet for something interesting.

Instead you found this.
I hope I don't put you to sleep.


Stories of fiction and fact lie dormant in this digital journal. Anything labelled with fiction junction is just that: fiction.

STORIES

» fiction junction. [all stories are sorted by this tag]
» refraction.
» love's weight.
» Viktor's Girls. [an ongoing collection]


do you think of me when I think of you

» Rachel Waa.
» xkcd.
» questionable content.
» the awesomer.
» not always right.
» stumble upon.
» Lore Olympus.

as the nighttime slowly sings...?

» chih.
» kaylyn.
» kitty.
» j comeau of A Softer World.


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“if only you could see”
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It's been one week...
Dec 31, 2008 || 2:31 AM || comment?

I've only finished one...and now I'm sitting around some more oh god I am such a fat lazy ass. XD

I wish I had a nice story to write...I keep popping my fingers and my bottom is numb from sitting..

What's up, sweet cakes?


Good morning bright and beautiful sun! It streams through the window, the blinds aren't really doing their job of blocking out the rays. In the bed you're laying, it doesn't matter that you're not facing the window, the room is lit up and you're stirring out of sleep. Cracking one eye open, you realize you've slept too late. Half the day has wasted away, but you don't care. You inhale deeply, and shut your eyes. Sleep won't return to you, so you sigh, and throw the covers off. The bed is now your enemy; sleep has betrayed you. There is an empty feeling in your stuck, but right now your bladder is screaming. You get up lazily and stroll to the bathroom, not even closing the door all the way. You're too tired right now to care about anyone possibly walking in. Rubbing your hands under some water is good enough to you, and you pat your hands against the shirt you're wearing. One glance in the mirror and you notice that your hair is defying the basic laws of gravity. A couple run-throughs of the hand fixes that, for the most part. You can't see the back, so it doesn't exist. You yawn at yourself and wrinkle your nose. In a cup to the left are some toothbrushes, you pick the blue one and run it under the water. Add toothpaste, apply to teeth. Spit, rinse, smile. You're beautiful.

The ARTIST - ..and so is she. Walking into a small room, or a large side closet, are a few scattered things. Paints, pastels, pencils, charcoal. A canvas is set off to the side, but it is mostly finished. Not another one of your unfinished projects. You've been good about getting work done lately. Is she your inspiration? Perhaps. She is wearing a smile, but she is not looking at you. Her eyes are closed. But who knows what she's thinking about.


The WRITER - You wander into the living area, there are a couple other people in there. Two are on the couch, one is in the kitchen. They say hey, and you simply nod. You sit on the awkward chair, but you don't mind it too much. It's a guy and a girl on the couch, you're all friends, and she makes eye contact with you. She offers a simple smile, and in return you do the same. In your mind's eye you see words spilling from her ears, all the words you wish she would say, hidden beneath one of your fictional characters, but the story is well known.

The GAMER - You walk back into your room, because it is your safe haven. There are so many different ways to connect with the world, this is the easiest one. You sign into the game, and you are greeted with several hellos. These people are loyal to you, in some strange and quiet understanding. You sit up a little straighter when you hear her voice saying hello, but you are sure all the guys do, too. But they only wish she was talking to them.

The DREAMER - You stare at your reflection a little bit longer...you're not conceited, but you fall into a lull. The silvery background of the mirror draws you in, and you let yourself be consumed. Your new surroundings seem familiar, but you find that you don't recognize it from anything you really know. Then you realize you're in a forest, and there is an empty feeling in your stomach. You decide to trek forward...there's got to be something to eat. That's when an oddly shaped tree suddenly blocks your way. You can't remember if that tree was always there or just appeared, but you don't care because there is one nice, shiny apple dangling from one of its limbs. It's not high at all, and no one is around. In your head you know that it is the best tasting apple you will ever find, and so you reach for it. Suddenly your arm isn't long enough, or maybe the branch was higher than you thought. You stand on the tips of your toes, feeling the bottom of the apple with the tips of your fingers. Your struggle causes you to lose balance, and you fall forward. This is when the bottom of your shirt is soaked, along with your feet. Looking down, you notice the sink has filled with water. You sigh, and shut off the faucet.

Labels:


might as well.
Dec 29, 2008 || 12:19 AM || comment?

so I figured I ought to write this sooner or later [sooner really, because the later would be too late..], and it is my list of new year resolutions. this may or may not be old news haha, here we are:

. to be more responsible with my money
. to record my dreams everyday (not really a resolution, just uh...project?)
. to be physically fit
. to have cleaner habits (that is, pick up after myself, keep a clean home)

also a short term goal,

. make a 4.0 this semester. this will turn into a college-career resolution. because I know I can do it if I tried. I didn't try very hard and made a 3.285, so yeah.

Some of these are on everyone's list, some aren't. I'm going to do my best...

I don't really know what I want to say...what do I want to say?

I guess I'm feeling pretty neutral right now. I'm sitting in a clean room, this is a good thing.

Good bye to 2008, hello 2009? In a couple days anyways.

So much for my artists endeavors....

I'm writing this now using my pen tablet and you know what? If I cross something out it erases itself! this is pretty neat think.

Let's start over.

This is a bit slower than actually typing - -- but I guess that's because with typing you don't need to write out the letters. who knew it told so long, ha ha what am I getting at? Fuck my handwriting is balls. Agh the more lines I write, the slower this function be comes.

"walk in the rain."

an off-key day.
Dec 23, 2008 || 9:14 PM || comment?

Do you ever have one of them? Because I am having one today. Let me explain. Maybe you play piano, and you see an old piano, beautiful, brown, a nice layer of dust is blanketing it. You pretend you are on stage, and you look around you. A meek smile, and a gentle wave. You sit down and inhale deeply because you are nervous. The dust finds its way into your nose and you sneeze. Oh dear. Just begin playing, you set one finger down on an ivory key, expecting a C, but getting nothing of the sort. You feel like that awkward note.

Or maybe you spend your days on the computer, fingers flying across the keyboard. Well if you're like me, you might not necessarily use the home keys. And maybe you've memorized the spaces between the letters rather than their actual placement [maybe that is placement haha]. So when you being typing, if you start at the wrong ibe it ends uo ainsthing liek this. And maybe you are feeling like all that nonsense you just typed out. I am feeling like all that nonsense I just typed out. But I am glad that it is windy outside.


It's a strange thing to set foot on campus, and not see a single student around. The crosswalk light still goes off when the streetlight turns red. It reminds me of a bird chirping, something kind of comical actually. The quad is something really nice to see when no one is passing through it. And yet, the clouds were hanging in the sky, making everything a dreary color...it wasn't that happy. Also, I wasn't that happy. But the wind was blowing my hair around, and I was by myself, and I really like the wind. I'm walking down a side walk considering where I should go next, when I see a flower on the concrete. A bright, fake, yellow rose. Even with those fake dew drops. Against the concrete that yellow couldn't be any brighter. I picked it up and looked around then shoved the pitiful thing in my purse. Probably why I am so messy, I just have so many things that I don't need, serve no purpose to me...but I like to keep little trinkets. I give those little things a very particular meaning to me, and this is why I cannot part with them. They might be buried under clutter and when I am looking for something else I might stumble upon that very thing and smile at the memory. Or maybe it might make me cry. Who knows.


Again I guess it's kind of funny to save these kinds of blog posts and continue writing them later haha. I have such a change in mood. But this is a good thing. I really like this thick sleeping bag of mine. The laptop was sitting on it, so it was warm and heavy in a really nice way when I covered my legs with it just now.



I can't always be waiting waiting on you..

well can't you see that it's just raining?
Dec 17, 2008 || 11:49 PM || comment?

I had to step outside earlier today, there was a thick fog that covered the surrounding area. It made it difficult to see, but at least it wasn't hot outside. As a matter of fact, as I stepped down the stairs, away from the protection the awning offered, I felt light spray hitting my face, not hard, just a refreshing mist. I didn't really want to feel it though. Not at all...


you know, right now I don't really feel like doing much of anything. it's a strange feeling. a feeling of not caring? I don't even feel like typing out this blog, but I am hoping to feel better after I'm done. it doesn't seem very likely though, heh.


I was going to wonder what kinds of things you'd like for me to put on this blog, but you know what? this blog isn't for anyone but me, not this particular entry, but this whole blog site itself. I'm not writing any of this for anyone except for myself. and I should keep it that way. I don't care if you want to read these kinds of things or not, I am going to write it because I want to write it, regardless if you read it or not, comment or not, care or not.


haha I was going to write a story in this space but I got distracted for like an hour and changed my mind. also my mood has changed, it's no longer matching what I was feeling earlier so to not confuse anything I'll just end it right here.

[haha by the way I do feel better, what do you know.]

Red Barchetta.
Dec 16, 2008 || 1:08 AM || comment?

run like the wind as excitement shivers up and down my spine...

So this is currently my new favorite song by Rush...for a while I'd been listening to it, and didn't know what the song was about because I only knew less than fifty percent of the lyrics...

I'm not really sure why I liked it in the first place, a couple of songs I liked instantly, but now this is becoming my favorite song as I listen to the entire album [several times actually hahah]

You know I set out to write a blog and I guess right now my mind is drawing a blank...but it's not like I /don't/ have things to talk about. I just don't know what to pick to talk about, out of all the possible things...

you know...actually I don't know...

have you ever taken the time to feel your fingernails? I was doing that just now, while I was thinking about what I want to share with you, and my left thumbnail, when I rub my index finger across it, has this kind of flat area, that kind of dips down a little bit..so then I feel my right thumbnail, and it is totally opposite. I rub my index finger across it and it's like a little hill...I feel my other fingernails, and nothing. They are "normal", compared to my thumbs.

hm..I was hoping that by talking about something relatively pointless, my mind might go on a tangent and I'd write something I feel "useful" or "time-worthy". Hahah, but I am still not really feeling anything. how about a story?


The Great Escape, or [a meteor shower].


The lights of the city were made that much brighter by the backdrop of nightfall. Heavy rain clouds blanketed the city, watering its inhabitants in the meantime. Traffic never seemed to let down in this thriving metropolis. Zooming into the streets, cars drove by, paying the least bit of attention to one of the hundreds of motorcycles buzzing on past. A girl was the driver, wearing a helmet, a light jacket, and some jeans. What a terrible night to be out on a motorcycle. The sound of the wheels on the wet concrete was a little terrifying, knowing that any slight mistake could make her the fresh coat of paint on the pavement. She hardly noticed the lights that dared to blind her as she rode away from the city, the bustling sounds would too if she would let them keep up to her ears, but she pushed the gas too hard for that. Eventually the lights were behind her, but beckoning other cars into the city like moths to a lamp. Now that she was completely covered in the dark did she slow down, and finally turning down an obscure dirt path. She saw the clump of other motorcycles parked in what had become the "parking lot" even though the entire place was dirt and litter. She too parked, next to a nice red bike, and got off her own. She removed her helmet and carried it in her left hand. The sounds of lighthearted conversation made its way to her ears, and she smiled. From her back pocket she pulled out a crushed pack of cigarettes. She took one and stuck it in her mouth, and made her way to the crowd of people a few feet ahead. Once she became part of the group, several of them turned as they noticed her presence, all greeting her amidst their great conversation, and one guy offered her a light. She winked and the Zippo man flicked the wheel, a burst of flame appeared and wavered in the light breeze. She leaned forward, and thanked him, and he simply nodded. She joined in some crude conversation, and the others didn't pay any mind to her being a girl; it didn't matter who she was to them, and she joked along as well. One voice became louder than each individual group, and their attentions drew to him. They all sat down and looked to the sky. Stunning streaks of light streaked through the sky, in different locations within the same general area, and the crude chatter evolved into awe-filled mutterings as the crowd watched the extraterrestrial matter blaze past in the sky.

you should make amends with you.
Dec 10, 2008 || 11:31 PM || comment?

if only for better health...but if you really want to live...why not try and make yourself?

So I think I'm going to wake up early tomorrow and get to school early...because I think I need to buy something for my english final, I'm not TOO sure. Annnd giving your email address to a classmate, and texting another classmate to try and find out about the final? Both things failed..all in all, it's my own fault. But haha I could give a shit about that class.

Wow, it was really cold today, snowing in both Houston and New Orleans...but not here in good ole Lafayette ): how heart breaking...but when I see snow for the first time, I want it to be really snowing, doing more than just covering the tops of cars. But I still wish I could have seen it.

As of right now, I feel a little disconnected from everything...like suspended in reality...and I'm watching certain things go by from a very objective point of view, things that I have no way of changing, even though at times I wish I could...not only for myself, but for others too.

sometimes, I feel like I'm living in a snow globe, though. A very limited view of the world. And you're only seeing something cheery, at that. That's where I am right now...stuck in a snow globe..wishing that what I saw was how things really were. [or could be.]

I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now...why? probably because of the thoughts I am currently lost within. oh well...

at least i don't have my stat final until two...(:

pull your hair up.
Dec 9, 2008 || 2:31 PM || comment?

Did you hear the rain outside today? It came in two short bursts, pattering out on the concrete. My throat doesn't hurt as much as it did yesterday, I'm really glad for this! I had a sick dream the other night. I...can't really remember it now, but I blame it on Aaron's story..

Haha, maybe for a new year's resolution I will do my best to force myself to write down my dreams from every day. A year's worth of dreams...I will have to make sure to write down the dream, and also, what I think it means to me. That way, when I go back and read them, I will hopefully remember what made me dream about that, or why. Because sometimes when I read through my old blogs, I can't remember why I wrote some of them, those are the ones usually written out of some anger that wasn't really worth it. But writing those things out lets people know what I have felt for that day, and for that reason, it isn't completely worthless.

Do you ever play a game and wonder if the future in those games will be similar to the future we have before us? I'm not saying that I do, but I wonder if it will ever get that bad. Because most people have the mindset, "Oh that'll never happen [to me]," you know?

Is that'll a proper contraction? XD I don't think so, but I'm gonna use it anyways. Because that's how some people speak.

I'm glad for days like these when I feel that my blog is something worth reading- in the sense that I am posing questions, or speaking of some insight I had other than:

"I rocked out to my radio" but then again maybe you might find it funny if I'm rocking out to my radio? Because then you'll get a funny image in your head of me rocking out, and what exactly might that look like anyways?

Well I don't really have anything else floating around in my brain. thanks for reading (:

this is my december?
Dec 8, 2008 || 1:12 PM || comment?

i'm starting to get sick, and that really kind of sucks. today is also monday, but first official day of finals, but not for me. (:

my throat was sore starting yesterday, and this morning i woke up with a headache. i will probably pick up some medicine when we go get some envelopes today.

To be honest, I haven't really felt the stress of this week being finals, I guess because I don't particularly stress over things because of my procrastinating nature. If only I could procrastinate other things in life...or maybe I already do.

I've made the living room a mess, I will pick it up whenever I'm finished typing this.

Again, I feel as if I don't really have much to say, because everything I'm typing about write now is rather mundane, and not that interesting.

Well, I can't believe my first semester in college is already over! I never felt the shock of "woah, this is college," but I am feeling the "man time goes by really fast" so..I don't know, next semester is going to be a defining semester for me, I will know whether computer science is really something I want to do. Adam says he doesn't really like it here in Lafayette, and I also feel like that, too. He doesn't like it because he misses his friends and the job he had back at Cinemark. Don't think that any of this means "oh we're moving back to lake charles" it was just something he mentioned, and I talked to him briefly about it, so it is like a tab in my mind. There are, of course, other places to go. Or we can just swallow our feelings and stick it out here. I don't imagine that I'm going to make any friends while I'm here. And I'm not /too/ bothered by that thought. I am friendly with some people in my Calculus class, so that's nice. However, the girls I work, I would call them "friends", as in we are cool with each other at work, but we don't necessarily hang out after school together...but it is a start, but I don't think it will go too far.

Anyways. Yeah.

my toes are wiggling,
Dec 2, 2008 || 10:44 PM || comment?

and my head is buzzing,
and my heart is racing,
and my fingers are tapping away,
all because,
i am filled with thoughts
of [ ].

today is a pretty good day, amidst the cold! i left my gloves at home, so walking to work the tips of my fingers were bright pink. i made meal that wasn't a complete failure, it was still eaten and enjoyed, the best part was the vegetables! (:

have you ever had chills run on your scalp? i feel as if i am aware of every single hair on my head, it is better than any other chills i get. but i also really like chills that i get when i'm taking a shower and hot water hits my back...

i'm sorry that my posts are short lately,
what's better? posting frequently with short posts, or intermittently with lengthy posts?

feeling at ease.
Dec 1, 2008 || 11:28 PM || comment?

i only just opened my box, and yet i am filled with much excitement!

hopefully everything turns out as i have imagined in my head, but there is no doubt some blunder waiting at the corner, but maybe that will be your favorite part!

i am sitting on my kitchen floor, wearing penguin toe socks, soft cloud shorts, and a hello kitty quarter-length sleeve shirt. the psp beside me is playing ellegarden, my mango tea is at my right side, sheets of paper at my left.

mechanical pencil beside my left foot.

i love this time!

i will love it even more when i'm finished!

i'm very much aware, the madness of slow motion as you move your legs to walk,
|| 11:40 AM || comment?

i'm very much aware of this madness when you talk.

i want to thank everyone for such a wonderfully fun weekend!
the food and cake was good.
the presents were thoughtful and awesome [and they all fit!], and again
my hello kitty supply has been filled. (:

i've got a little story to write, but not right now...

actually i haven't thought about it yet, but i know that i want to write something.

i fear that i am getting into something, and i won't be able to find my way out.

it is so much easier to just go along with something instead of thinking it out.

in other news, everyone really likes my new haircut/style, so thanks to ashley and suzan. (:

i also have a really cute hair tie now. it is a light blue and light brown and black color, i got it from jun young, i really like it.

and when i bought a coffee pot and coffee, i forgot one essential item: coffee filter.

so i have a today to-do list: fix my bike, get some filters.
tomorrow i have a force myself to-do routine, to get into the habit of: getting up at 6am, washing my hair, blow drying, straightening.

oh dear the cold weather. i was walking to class and my fingers were like icicles. and when i finally sat down in class, they were thawing out in a painful way, like if you imagine dying, and then being revived a little while later, you become aware of the pain from all the things your possibly mangled body experience in order for you to die.

as cool as a time machine would sound, i think it would ultimately be a thing of destruction.

if you had a time machine, where you would go [back in your own lifetime] and what would you do?

there are a couple of times i have betrayed friends, one of them being when i was younger. i'd go back and not repeat my actions. this is assuming of course, that when you time travel, you become that age you were back then, but full of the knowledge you possess in the present. however, more likely is the going back in time and there being two of you, one of the past and one of the "future".

i would also go back and change how i handled my senior year, and perhaps previous years, in terms of my studies. i could have done so much better, but there was a lack of caring. too bad i am caring now that it's too late.

also this just in: mcneese has a radiologic sciences program, whereas UL doesn't...

[i have been considering changing my major, mostly because i never REALLY thought about all my possibilities. i just found something and jumped at it because, hey, well i didn't have any other ideas.]