I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

“if only you could see”

More than meets the eye.

Oct 28, 2007 || 11:25 PM || comment?

Walking to work was nice today. The wind was blowing and it wasn't really hot outside, so I didn't mind so much. (:

Work was pretty relaxing too. It wasn't busy at all. Jin told me he watched Transformers FIVE times. Then he told me about a scene where the lead character said something about there was more than meets the eye, and he told me he watched it a lot not only because he liked the movie, but he couldn't figure out what the phrase meant, so I explained it to him. He told me I was a good teacher, and I never really saw myself as a teacher, or a good one. Mrs. Kim told me to choose a career where I'd have a for sure future and make good money, she told me to be a nurse. I don't even know if Neuroscience will even get me a good career, it's just what I'm interested in. Sadly that's not enough anymore.

When I was making an omelet earlier, I was thinking how nice it'd be to have a job cooking or photography, but would I be happy with that career? Or, would people be like, "She could have done so much more." Does having a career mean you can't be happy either? I think it'd be nice to do something so leisurely, like taking pictures, being named some photographer of the year because of your controversial pictures. Wouldn't that be nice?

Two more hours.

Oct 27, 2007 || 9:54 AM || comment?

Gotta wait for people to finish the ACT for today. :/ I hope they do well though. I should probably take that again soon. No Destrehan for us, but because they rescheduled it to February, there is still hope.

There's something that we're doing November 10th, so I should probably go find out more about that...

But at least there is fun planned for today. (:

I like fun days, and today is a very nice day outside.

If you believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know.

Oct 23, 2007 || 11:33 PM || comment?

There has been a mystery revolving around the things that I write, why most of them I can't seem to put names, and the ones that I have.

The one's with no character names are the ones that are about me, most definitely.

The ones with names are just fictional pieces of work, that hold no significance other than to entertain, or just to make you think.

I'm naive. I'm selfish. I'm careless.

The weather really seemed to be fitting today, I think. But I'm glad I got to wear a jacket, being all nice and warm is always...well, nice. (:

Calculus was interesting.

So was physics. I guess I should go make a fool of myself now.

Labels: fiction junction

A countdown of sorts.

Oct 22, 2007 || 4:32 PM || comment?

So there are nine more posts until a hit the triple digits. Pretty neat. (:

Did I ever think that I'd keep up with this thing for so long? Nope, but it's really nice to write stuff down, and to see what people say. A question might be, "Why does Rachel blog?" Maybe you'd like to see a piece of what goes on in my life. (:

Plus I just feel like writing sometimes, and I really like to type, but usually I write stuff down (like my stories) before I type it over here, because that way I have my original thoughts, and I can work with them. If I start out typing my story, and hit backspace because I don't like something, I might find out later that it worked after all. Oh well though. :P

Not this weekend but next weekend is Destrehan, there's a bit of talk about staying over the night the Friday before so that we don't have to leave at 4.30 to make it there in decent time. Being able to do that would be such amazing fun. (: Mrs. Johnson said we'd stay at the hotel we stayed at the night before leaving for Nationals. That was a /great/ hotel. XD There was a bail bond in front, and a dollar symbol on the sign. Isn't that so hilarious? AND. there's no elevator! Fucking right. (:

Good thing we were on the first floor?

I think there was a fish tank....at any rate, it wasn't that bad.

Oh Nationals, you are so far away. But I'm ready for it. It'll be so awesome this year if more people get to go. (:

But for right now, let's think about Destrehan and how people will win (:

I do what I must, because I can.

Oct 21, 2007 || 2:14 AM || comment?

"Such a nice package..." A voice sang softly, trailing through the rooms of a spacious house. In the living room, on the ground, was a neatly wrapped present, slightly hidden by the limbs of a fir. The wrapping was white, with thin silver etches of poinsettia. A black ribbon was tied around the box. Not even a foot away, a pair of knees were knelt on the ground. Black slacks covered them, and a white dress shirt covered the torso. A red tie completed the outfit. The face structure of the young man was clean, and neatly shaven. The eyes were amber, the forehead slightly covered by black bangs. The hair was somewhat lengthy, but was also kept neatly. He was mature; it could be seen in the posture he kept. And yet there was a childlike nature hidden, visible in the song he sang, which would become the turn he would whistle. If anyone heard him, they would know a pleasant sound, clear and ringing true. Two hands reached around the box, and then lifted it to ear level. He shook the box gingerly; a slight thud was heard as the contents shifted from one side to the other.

"It's not time yet..." he said to himself. He rose in a fluid motion, then headed towards the kitchen. A day calendar on the counter read: December 24th. Christmas eve, and the final preparations were being made for the next day. It was nighttime; the grandfather clock read 11:30. The day somehow managed to slip by without notice. Also on the counter, more towards the center was a small cake. It too was white, with red icing around the edge, simple decoration. He glanced at it with longing eyes. The cake smiled back. And he gave in, taking a shiny fork from the drying rack, and took a healthy piece from the otherwise flawless cake. After savoring the piece, he set the fork down. Pieces of cake were left between the prongs. Licking the icing from his lips, he walked back towards the living room. His feet were kept warm by black socks, which greatly contrasted the pearls strewn about the floor.

"Looks like someone forgot to clean up..." he said to no one in particular. He hummed another tune as he knelt down again, this time to pick up the precious pieces. They were minute compared to his cupped hand, but soon enough he couldn't see the bottom of his palm. He emptied his hand into his pocket then continued to pick up the remaining pieces.

Twenty more minutes, the clock would strike twelve, and it would technically be Christmas day. He could no longer find any pearls, so he went to the bathroom, and poured the contents of his pocket into a small bowl. He ran warm water over them and put a few drops of soap into the bowl. He then took a cloth, and wiped the pearls clean one by one, and set them in another bowl that had a cloth in it as well. With the bowl of cleaned pearls, and new string, he sat down on the couch, and began restringing them.

He carefully chose which pearl would come next, based on its size. He would stare at each one or a minute or so, and would either add it to the length of them, or drop in back in the bowl. As he was doing this, the clock struck midnight. A smile slowly found its way onto his face, and he set the necklace down, waiting for the twelve chimes to sound.

"Merry Christmas..." he said cheerfully. Then he hunched over, and worked faster to finish. He lifted the necklace into the light, admiring his work. A red, velvet was on the coffee table, and he set the necklace in it, then snapped it shut. He walked over to the tree, and picked up the white package. There was a spring in his step as he headed towards the bedroom at the end of the hallway. He grabbed the slightly stained doorknob with his free hand, managing to turn it with minimal difficulty. He gave the door a slight push, then let it swing open the rest of the way. Of all the rooms in the house, it was the most spacious. Two dressers and a vanity, a king sized bed, and a bathroom with two wall-length mirrors. A walk-in closet with plenty of room to spare. There was carpet in this room, and it was spotless. His smile grew. He walked up to the side of the bed, and the covers were slightly pulled back where she was. She was lying down, with the covers pulled up to her shoulders. He set the larger present down, and held out the velvet one.

“I have a surprise for you,” he said softly, as if not to disturb her in her sleep. He opened the box for her, not bothering to wait for a response. He pulled the covers slowly off her shoulders. She was beautiful, like a china doll. Her dress was black, and hung loosely off her frame, but holding on enough to compliment her best. He set the necklace around her neck, and the pearls seemed to disappear against her fair skin.

“I hope you like them…” he said, somewhat sadly, and not daring to look at her. After a moment, however, his expression cheered up.

“Is this for me?” he asked brightly, picking up the white package. He shook the box again, as if to make sure his gift hadn’t somehow disappeared. He seemed childlike in this moment, sitting on his knees, yet he opened the box slowly, anticipating the moment. Taking the lid off the box, his eyes lit with joy.

With a smile he said, “You’ve finally given me your heart.”

~~~~~

He sighed after opening his eyes slowly in the dark room. For some reason he was having a hard time sleeping. “Hey…” he said softly. No response. He reached out to his left side. Nothing but sheets. He rolled over, the digital clock lit his face, and he repeated what it said in his mind. 2:05 AM. Where was she? But, it wasn’t the first time he woke up during the night and found her gone. With another sigh, he turned over and fell back asleep.

It was day now. He was sitting in the living room anxiously. From outside, he heard a door shut. He sat up, and watched the door as she walked in. “Oh, hey,” she said when she noticed him watching her. “Hey,” he said back with a smile. “How was your day?” he asked, as he stood up. “Oh it was okay…” she set her keys down, and walked into the kitchen. As she was washing her hands, he walked into the kitchen, a red velvet box held behind his back.

“Well…I have something for you. An early Christmas present.” She dried her hands, then turned around.

“Really? Well show me!” She said excitedly.

Her smile made him smile, so he held out the box. “Open it.”

As she realized what was in the box, her face lit with excitement. “It’s so beautiful! This is really for me?” A beautiful pearl necklace. She jumped on him, and kissed his cheek. He laughed at her excitement, simply glad to see her so happy. “I’ll have to wear it sometime this week,” she said with a smile as she tried it on.

Two days had passed, and everything was back to normal. He woke up at night to find her gone, and her attitude towards him was once again so apathetic. It was Christmas eve. Wasn’t today supposed to be a day filled with excitement? While he was cooking, he noticed her passing by, wearing a nice black dress, the hem playing at her knees. He was planning a dinner for them, but she was dressed up. Why? He put down a carving knife, and walked into the living room.

“Are you going somewhere?” He asked her. She seemed to be looking for her keys. She was wearing black high heels, her hair was fixed nicely, and she was wearing the pearls. “I’m going out…to eat with my sister,” The pause was more than noticeable. “With your sister?” he thought. He knew they were close, but why did she hesitate? Why was she dressed so nicely? And why was she always so late? He was tired of being naïve. He knew what was going on; he simply did not want to believe it would be true.

He walked towards her with no visible signs of anger. He stood behind her, and she turned to glance at him.

“What?” she asked sharply.

He took a hold of the pearl necklace, and pulled. She screamed, trying to grab the pearl necklace in the front to stop herself from choking, but the string snapped, and pearls flew everywhere. They bounced around, and she fell forward on her knees coughing.

“Are you crazy?” she sputtered. He grabbed a hold of her hair, and yanked, causing her to fall backwards, and he continued to drag her.
“Let me go!” She screamed, tears running down her face. She scratched at his hands, but it was as if he could feel nothing. He looked around the counter, and saw the knife he’d set down earlier. With his free hand he grabbed the knife, then began to make his way out of the kitchen and to the bedroom down the hall. She was jerking around and screaming, so to gain better grip, he twisted his hand around to hold on more tightly her hair.

“Why are you doing this?” She managed to say, the tears impairing her speech. He made it to the room, but not without a struggle. The sheets were untucked; the covers were on the floor in a pile. The door to their room was wide open, at this point he didn‘t care whether anyone saw him, but it wasn’t likely, he always kept the front door locked. He sat over her; the carving knife was in his back pocket.

“I wake up at night only to find that you’re gone. Where do you go? Why can’t you tell me? And you have the audacity to question MY actions? Did you ever love me? You’ve never given me your heart. And now I will make sure that it’s mine forever.” At his last statement she winced, and started the struggle once more. He forced his weight down on her, and she whined pathetically.

“Don’t worry. You won’t feel a thing. Like always.”

He moved so he could pull her dress over her body, but made sure she'd still be able to see him. Taking the knife from his back pocket, he gripped the handle with both hands, one over the other. She screamed, and shut her eyes tightly, as if closing them meant everything before her would disappear. With all of his force, he thrust the knife into her chest. She screamed even louder, and her blood spilled everywhere.

The door of the washing machine echoed its sound as he let it drop shut. He glanced at his hands, and frowned. He went into the kitchen, and washed his hands with the lavender dish soap. He tossed the paper towel he used to dry hands in the trashcan where there were scraps of white wrapping paper, and uneven pieces of black ribbon at the top. He let out a sigh of relief even though he still had a few preparations. He opened the pantry door, and began searching. After moving several boxes around, he finally found the box of cake mix.

The clock struck eleven.

Labels: fiction junction

Because you're someone alive today.

Oct 16, 2007 || 11:12 PM || comment?

In the wind her hair was like a constant stream of glowing fire. The ribbons in her hair trailed behind her, waving spasticly. The scenery whizzed by so fast she had no time to enjoy it. All she could do was cling tight to him; her arms were wrapped around the stranger, yet she didn't feel shy.

"So where ya headed?" he finally asked. His voice was relaxed; he didn't seem to mind the fact that he was bringing along an extra person. His hair was considerably shorter than hers, but longer than most guys. She didn't get a good look of his face so she could only imagine.

"Um..." she hesitated, then remembered the paper in her dress pocket. She felt around the loose change, and grabbed a hold of the small slip. She unfolded it, and stared at the letters and numbers scrawled across. It was as if it meant nothing to her.

"Here." She handed the slip forward, and just as he reached for it, she unconsciously let go, and the wind carried it away; the speed of the motorcycle greatened the distance between them and the drifting paper.

"Huh. I guess you're goin' with me now," he said with a smirk. She turned back, watching the page become a small speck.

"Yeah..." she said thoughtfully. Where was he headed anyways? She would have plenty of time to think about it; it wouldn't be a while until they reached the nearest city.

"D'you want somethin' to drink" His motorcycle was on its stand as he filled the tank with gas. Now that he had a good look at her, he noticed her hair was particularly red, like a fireball.

"Sure.." she said. She stared at her feet as she spoke, slightly nervous to face the man in front of her. She felt like a burden that was forced upon him.

"Well, here. Get me somethin' cold, will ya?" She nodded without another word. Where was she? Everything inside the convenient store had weird names, and she couldn't find anything she recognized. She stared at the aluminum cans and glass bottles, and they stared back. In all reality, she was the odd one there. She noticed how everyone turned to look at her when she walked in the door.

"Sure are a pretty thing to be walkin' in here alone." A gruff voice spoke from behind her. She jumped at it, then turned around, keeping her gaze to the ground.

"Dun' worry. I saw you come with that young one with the bike. Get him this, he'll 'preciate the thought." After he pointed to a rather plain looking drink, he laughed and walked away. After considering his advice, she grabbed two of the drinks and paid at the counter. As she walked out of the store, she looked up to see him leaning against the pump.

"Took ya a while," he said with a smile. She shrugged, smiling sheepishly. She thrust forward the two cans and waited for a response.

"No doubt you've had some help choosing this? No matter, it's got good taste." He took one of the cans, and popped it open. Within seconds he finished the drink and tossed the can away.

"Ya know, there really aren't any cup holders in this thing..you should probably drink it now."

"Right.." she said. Hearing the hiss, and the pop of the can opening, she was reluctant to taste, but the air was warm, and she terribly thirsty. Without another thought, she took a big gulp of the cold drink. At first it was startling, the taste seemed to burn her insides, but as it settled, there was a warm feeling that overpowered the burning sensation.

"Good, right?" She nodded her approval before finishing the drink, and they were soon on their way again. The roads they now travelled were winding, and she often felt she would be dizzy if she weren't holding on to him.

"I know it's a little late to be askin', but what is your name?" The question was casual, and almost seemed as if he didn't really care, but was just asking out of boredom.

"It's Ophelia.." she said.

"Ophelia, you say? Huh." She had a hard time deciding whether her was being thoughtful, or expressing his disinterest in her name.

"At any rate, I s'pose you can call me August. Or Gus. Whatever, really." Or maybe that was his general attitude towards anything. She made it a point to try to understand him as best as possible in any given situation.

"So you're pretty much a lost bird. D'you even know where you were goin'?" Truthfully, she didn't. And she couldn't remember those numbers to save her life.

"But I s'pose I'm okay with that. you're not that bad a sight. And you're quiet. Not sure how I feel about that, but right now, it's nice." A compliment? Maybe small talk?

"I guess so.." she said slowly. She really was a lost bird. What would she do now? She was already so far from home, and even if she wanted to go back, she couldn't remember the way there.

"Ah, don't worry so much about it. I'll take care of ya, if ya like." Maybe he did care. And he only pretended not to. But for whatever reason, she didn't feel afraid of what could happen to her.

Labels: fiction junction

Action day (:

Oct 15, 2007 || 9:21 PM || comment?

In spirit of Blog Action day, I actually forgot to plan on writing something about keeping the Earth green and healthy. Which is funny, because when you think about it, telling someone they look green usually means they're a little sick...So there's my thought about it, even though I look forward to the day when everything is a little more ecofriendly, including myself. (:

In other news, first math tournament of the year was on Saturday. And, the first time I've ever (along with Jeremy, Harrison and Jennifer) won anything was also this Saturday. In three years and finally. (: I was very happy about it. Also our theta team won their team test, which is another yay thing. So next tournament is in November, and I'm getting my hopes up for the rest of the team who I will root for. (:

Tomorrow will be a milestone of two years for Adam and myself. That's a long time. A really long time. So yeah.

The girl with a thousand smiles.

Oct 9, 2007 || 7:50 PM || comment?

So right now, Rachel is doing a bit of laundry because she really needed to get her clothes cleaned. :[

Today was a pleasant day. I'm not sure if much happened, but I liked it nonetheless. It was a little hot outside, and my hair was in pigtails, which happens like...never. I also took pictures of people wearing my viking helmet for LEIF ERIKSON DAY. Yay for somewhat pointless holidays (:

So it turns out my physics teacher isn't really THAT bad, I think the only thing with her is she likes to repeat herself, about the most pointless things, like how she can't remember names very well. She said that like ten times today in class.

Derivatives are a lot easier now. Then again, finding the formula isn't my problem, it's graphing what it's supposed to look like but at least this is one load off instead of doing the blasted difference quotient every time. :D

Moras is trying to help us, and it's okay. I just hope he doesn't mess up anything important.

MATH TOURNAMENT SATURDAY. I can't say enough times how excited I am for the first tournament. I'm so ready for this year of Mu Alpha Theta, I know it's going to be a blast despite missing a few old members :p

If you made a phone call to a stranger, what would YOU talk about?

Clouds like mountains...

Oct 8, 2007 || 7:56 PM || comment?

Walking home from the mall, I noticed how the clouds behind the trees were reaching over and resembled mountains...and I thought how amazing it would be if there really were mountains there, but then I remembered that I'm in Lake Charles....In Tennessee there were really pretty mountains, and where we were at, every morning at breakfast, we were with the low clouds because of our slightly elevated altitude...It was a really nice sight, and interesting to think about...That was so long ago, maybe seven years? That was a youth group trip...And then maybe two years ago? We went to New Mexico, and the scenary out there was breathtaking as well...the weather was amazing, no humidity, and it felt GREAT to just be outside...We also went to some river, and jumped from like this little cliff and the water was freezing cold but it was so much fun and I'm thinking how nice it would be to do that again..

I'm sure you have, but have you ever had a feeling of funny anticipation in your gut? Maybe it was a touch or a thought? Sometimes I'd like to hold on to that feeling just a little bit longer, because I like it, even if it is kind of bothersome, but it's usually a good kind of anticipation, even if you ultimately know nothing will happen?

I can't wait for this Saturday for a number of reasons, namingly seeing Jordan AGAIN (: and first math tournament of the year, at Baton Rouge Magnet, I'm not sure how I'll do but I hope it's not too bad! To be honest, I'm reaaaalllly just waiting for state and nationals to roll along, because really, if you have the opportunity to go to Nationals, go. It's so much fun. (:

I mean, a week dedicated to math? Who WOULDN'T enjoy that?

Hold on, hold on to me.

Oct 7, 2007 || 10:35 PM || comment?

a feeling a sore arms and bruises on the leg and an overall feeling of rejuvenation.

Grace Davison picnic on Saturday, at first I thought it wasn't going to be that great because as a volunteer I didn't have a set job...until we went to go play on that spinning thing that are in parks with the bar, and it spins around? So it was just me and Aaron and Mel and Chi at first...then these little kids starting coming because, come on, if you notice kids playing on something it's like, "hey free ride, or maybe they'll push us because we're cute and adorable kids, but oh wait we turn out to be psycho and slap Rachel really hard on the leg and leave handprints.."

But really it was just a good feeling being able to play like that (:

And tomorrow...oh tomorrow, Chemistry test of 200 points and multiple choice and stupid concept and argh probably will take both class hours but maybe if I study until my head explodes, I'll be able to finish in like no time flat....or who knows (:

Oct 4, 2007 || 1:00 AM || comment?

We've done nothing wrong....

It's second nature to say, hey! hey! hey!

update. update. update.

There's nothing really new to say other than I'm glad I'm understanding Calculus...well, there's actually plenty say, and not enough room or esteem to say..

I think it's really good when you can find someone you can really talk to, so it's bad when you feel like you're losing that person, or there's a friend you WANT to open up to, but you feel they aren't on that level, or they think you're still that person from long ago, and you're not...

I was also thinking about how incredibly F-ing awesome it would be if we could have as many people go to Nationals as possible...it's really a lot of fun, and a week away from home in the summer is ALWAYS good, and you're doing math, and this year it's in Sacramento and there's plenty to do and we're going to the water park and YES math. Math math math. Codes test and History of Math test and math. And lots of people interested in math, like thousands! It's a very nice feeling that you're not the only one giving up a week and lots of valuable sleeping time for MATH /love.

Almost one thirtyyyyy. (:

Oct 1, 2007 || 3:07 AM || comment?

It's unfortunate when you set out to get something done, and you don't finish it (like homework!).

Ah so much work. :/