“if only you could see”

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I went to the Halmark store and saw the best card in the whole world.

Is it strange that I find work more relaxing than doing nothing? I find myself with all the time in the world, and I don't have the discipline to manage what to do with it. At least at work, I take on this...initiative to do what my job requires me to. Even if it is just taking orders and just handing them to the chefs to make the sushi. I enjoy working because it's much easier to figure out.

In other news, today was interesting. A little kid came up to the counter to ask how much pussy was. He didn't laugh or try to hold in laughter, but just a few feet away, his brother (not much younger) was laughing uncontrollably. How sweet. I had to teach Jin what pussy meant after I told him and Josh what happened. All Josh had to say was, "That kid must have expensive taste." ahahahahahaha.

It was raining outside so the hole in the ceiling leaked and I slid around the floor on that spot. We also explained to Jin what flirting means.

They were slowly making their way across the field as the sun beat down on them, wild flowers painting it several shades of pink, yellow, and violet. "Make me something pretty," she said as she noticed the abundance of flowers. In passing the patches, he made sure to pick quite a few flowers of each color. He slowly began arranging as they trekked on, careful not to break the stem too short or leave to much to make sure they weren't uneven. There was only one time he'd ever done anything with flowers, and that was watching them wither after having picked them. He wasn't sure what she wanted, but hopefully she'd like what he had in mind..

He was almost finished with the chain when they finally made it through the field. What he really wanted now was to sit under shade and properly finish; they were heading for the swing, as usual. But, she found a new priority. Much like walking in a daze, she barely made it to the tree before practically collapsing. The heat made her tired, and just getting through the field was enough to wipe her out. She managed to get comfortable in leaning against the tree, then falling into a slumber. After deciding to sit next to her, he inspected the chain of flowers he'd completed. In seemed as if it would hold for the time being. He placed it lightly on her head, yet she didn't budge. Placing his arms behind his head, he too decided to lean against the tree. It was no doubt hot outside, so maybe a small nap wouldn't hurt he thought. As he looked around, he noticed something: the swing was empty. He stole a sideways glance at his sleeping beauty before getting up and walking towards it. He stared at it for a second, back at her, then the swing. And he decided: it was his turn to swing.

He gripped his hands around the rope so tightly his knuckles turned white. He sat idly for a moment- the seat was perfect in that it was so small, yet it was able to hold his weight, and then he realized there was no one to push him. This didn't matter. He was fully capable of swinging himself. He walked back slowly, until the tips of his toes just barely touched the ground, then he let the swing take him forward. The process was repetitive, almost mechanical, but with each back and forth motion, he could fill the air rushing around him. It would fill his lungs, and there was a heightened sense of being- was this euphoria?

From up here, everything was perfect and all it required was another push in the right direction. He leaned back, and closed his eyes. The disorientation was a curious feeling; he opened his eyes and the earth was his ceiling, if only for a few seconds, until the sky surged before his eyes again. As he swung forward again, he sat up too quickly. The rush of blood to the head that had settled flowed back as gravity took its affect again. He wondered if this was how she felt when she took her place on the swing time and time again. The naive selfishness wouldn't allow her to share this unlikely source of happiness. But any outside thought fled quickly, for he felt as if he could swing forever.

No doubt the sun would be setting soon, and the day would end whether he wanted it to or not. And so he just sat there, letting the swing finish its course instead of abruptly stopping it. He hummed as he walked over to the tree and without warning lifted her from the ground, carrying her as he did before.

"Huh...?" she said, rubbing her eyes, realizing she was no longer on the ground. She felt something strange on her head, and upon placing her hand on it, discovered that he made her a chain of flowers.

"We're going home," he said simply, and with a smile, she closed her eyes again.

Labels: fiction junction

I'll finish that story later...

What's it like just to drive, and in the words of Wallflower, feel infinite? I'm not sure why, but this song made me think of riding down an empty road, singing at the top of my lungs, not caring how bad it sounds or how mad I look, but just...feel like forever.

There are some other things I wonder about, and I wonder if I should even be wondering about them, but sometimes you just can't help yourself, can you.?

It's so easy to be swept away by your grace..

"What are you doing?" The concentrated look on his face broke as the sound of her voice brought him back to reality.

"Huh?"

"You're supposed to be pushing me!" Oh. Right. will all the force he could muster, he gave her one final push. As she reached the highest point the swing would take her, he noticed how her dress billowed as the momentum of the swing pulled her back. "Come on, let's take you home." She pouted but she would get over it, as she ususally did. She clung to his arm as they walked towards her house in the distance, slowly to conserve the time they had together. Tomorrow would be some other adventure she'd be sure to suggest, she didn't enjoy the idle time together as much as he. But her whimsical attitude was what he loved most about her. He had contemplated settling down with her, but he couldn't imagine her staying to one thing for too long, which often left him doubt. "But she hasn't left yet," he'd reassure himself.

"Will you carry me?" She rubbed her eyes; he didn't understand how swinging could make her so tired, but she seemed ready to sleep on the ground if she had to. He lifted her ease, and continued foward.

-

"After we're finished here, can we go swing again?" The sun was reflected onto the smooth surface of the lake. A thin line traveled from the water to the fishing pole that the girl held in her hands. It hadn't moved once, and had been this way since they'd been there, which was close to an hour. "You were the one that wanted to go fishing," he pointed out, as he watched his line attentively. "I know but...I didn't think it would be so...boring." She sighed, kicking a small rock into the lake. He glanced at her, smiling, before pulling his line out. "Fine, we probably wouldn't have caught anything anyways." Her expression lit up as she did the same, handing him her fishing pole to carry. She hurried ahead, always in a rush to get somewhere but ready to leave after just a few minutes.

"Maybe this time I can sit down and watch.." he thought, as he leaned against the tree. Meanwhile, she sat on the swing, and after a minute of not moving, she looked at him. She squirmed in place in an attempt to convey the message, "Push me!" He shook his head, while smiling at her antics. "If I do this for you, will you push me on the swing?" he asked jokingly. She frowned and shook her head furiously. "You probably wouldn't go very high, I'm not very strong.." she stated. He shrugged, but for once he wished he could be in her place, to be so carefree. To be able to swing..

Labels: fiction junction

Evening was coming and there was a pleasant breeze passing. There was a swing attached to an old oak tree that rocked idly in the wind. The ropes were frayed and stained. The grass no longer grew in the area below the swing.

"Push me!" She was young, with wavy hair always covering her jade eyes.

"Say what?" He too was young, but what his gray eyes had seen begged to differ.

"Um...push me..please?" She turned around to face him, if only for a moment, with her undeniable look of sad longing. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair before admitting defeat. "Sure, why not."

Her face lit up as she jumped into the swing and dangled her feet back and forth excitedly. The blades of grass tickled her barefeet. "But...not too high, please?"

He nodded as he began pushing. She seemed almost weightless as she went back and forth, his arms working mechanically to keep her in the air. Then, in the flash of a second, he saw something that frightened him. Her dress was stained with blood, her face flush from struggling. She would, however, no longer cry for help because there was no one to hear her. In fact, she wouldn't even cry at all. His hands were also stained with blood. And he felt satisfied.

Labels: fiction junction

So it's been a while since I've been on the computer (thanks, Caleb.) so there's been this whole week or so that hasn't been accounted for, but I think the time away has been good because this way I've actually accomplished work, so I'll actually be prepared for physics.

These past two weekends have been pretty cool, I've been hanging out with Harrison, which is always a fun adventure. I'm sure there's a bruise on my arm, on his behalf, and a certain spot in Miyako that will never leave his memory. Ah...

So there's this theory that opening up to strangers can be a wonderful experience, in fact, I've done that before. In fact, it feels like I do it every night. I talk about things, to people, and they are locked away for a certain time where there's this curtain, and it's only talked about when that curtain is present. I like curtains, so maybe it can be a silk one. But a dark color, like some shade of green. And that's kind of like talking to a stranger, because you are someone else behind that curtain. You can be whoever you want to, and no one will see you...

I'm getting the hang of school finally, and now there's these things called applications I don't feel like filling out, these essays I don't want to write, these responsibilities I don't feel like taking. All this negativity. (:

At least I'm having fun.


I knew this already, but it was hard because some of the choices were one extreme or the other, and I'm not either one, something more like in the middle. I think I'm not as introverted as I once was, but still am no doubt about it.

Today in English we discussed Frankenstein and I decided to be the moderator or whatever, and I think I'd rather discuss next time. XD There were times I wanted to say something, then I finally had my chance...oops. :P Wasn't supposed to speak much.

But next time (: I will have more to say. I like seeing different people talk, but there are a few that I know usually have something good to say, especially since I know I haven't learned to think that way about stories quite yet. But I will soon, I hope :P

I enjoy being home a little earlier, but there's all of this free time, I might take a nap to console my failing of a certain Calculus test...can't say I wasn't expecting it though...one thing I need to change is my responsibility towards school.

You talk about the kind of people that have different personalities when they are in different places, and I think, maybe I am like that kind of person?

There is a time when you talk about certain things, and I noticed, I don't do that often, in person, talk about them. But maybe the glass in front of me is enough protection and secret understanding that we'll leave it floating in some sort of code left to be interpreted.

But it's amazing that I'm understanding anyways.

A few things I have thought about:

What if my dad has another stroke?
What if my dad becomes so depressed, he kills himself?
What if my brother is depressed, and because we only have the kind of relationship where we joke around, I do not know this, and he will not come and talk to me about it? Maybe this is why he misses so much school?
What if tonight is the night some driver can't see and he hits my boyfriend walking to my house?

I have thought about these things, but have never thought about what I'd do if they were to happen. Do you think about these kinds of things ever? Not in a depressing way, or a morbid way, but have these kinds of things ever passed in your mind, like in a fleeting way?

Sometimes when my dad is sleeping, I will wonder how he will wake up in the morning, because I remember him saying, as he thought about that day, he didn't know he woke up with a stroke. So what if he wakes up like that again? I know when he's walking around because his left leg drags a little. I wonder what happens if he falls. I can imagine it, in slow motion, because I have seen him fall before. But it seems so much more destructive in a way, than simply tripping.

I have filled out most of the application for Tulane. I must write a personal statement. What should I write about?

edited my green star. by green i mean...yellow? okay third edit, I mean orange.

go check it out. XD

tired.

maybe sleep time (:

but that's okay. (:

He's a cute dinosaur right?

Too bad he's not a raptor. But then he might not like the party hat....

Anyways, main priority: STUDY FOR CALCULUS. This past test OMGSAPed my grade.

D:

But I'm not going to phase, because I know it's not the AP, it's the me. So, time to get up to SPEED. :o

I can only think of sad things to write.

I'm sorry. [:

Well. I plan on getting my license this friday.

I already have a truck to drive, so this is something to look forward to.

aahahahahahahaha.

Nothing to write...nothing to write...

yet here I am (:

anyways.

Jordan came into town this weekend and it was great seeing him and hanging out as usual. I'm fairly jealous of his school life, I kind of wish I was there but, deep down, I know I couldn't leave the friends I have here. And saying that makes me say, "Well, if you can't do that, what makes you think you can leave home for a college out of town or out of state?"

And I have no -insert obscenity- idea.

gwarrrr.

I wrote a story but I don't feel like typing it out at the moment. D:

Must mean the end of this post, nothing else to keep it going...

I think those raptor nachoes gave me a raptor stomachache....

Maybe I should get some real food next time I'm hungry, but I do enjoy drinking out of a plastic bladder.

....I shall finish this later.

Tired to the extreme.

D: