“if only you could see”

February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 May 2010 June 2010 September 2010 October 2010 January 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 August 2011 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 August 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 May 2015 May 2016 June 2016 July 2016 December 2016 June 2017 July 2017 June 2018 November 2020 December 2020 April 2021 November 2021

I feel more tired than I've ever felt before. I'm thinking of making a nice mug of hot chocolate. I love hot chocolate. It says I can use milk if I want but I'm always afraid the milk will go bad, which reminds me of when we made bacteria in Vanmetre's class. I was reading a friend's blog today, and it made me think about something. Knowing that other people are reading our blogs...does that mean we, having that little fact in the back of our minds, subconsciously filter out the real us? Are we only writing what we THINK others want to hear? Sure, I know that writing down the REALLY meaningful things is what a real life journal is for...so I guess that's why this isn't called an online journal, but a web log. Kinda like a timeline. You can include what you want, and choose to omit things you don't really feel like revealing. Maybe one day I'll write about something that falls in this category.

In other news, I'm going to Nationals for Mu Alpha Theta. It's not by invitation, just if you wanna go or not. Just know that you're probably going against some of the smartest kids in their divisions. I believe it's in Tampa Florida this year. As silly and dorkish this may sound, I'm REALLY looking forward to the experience. I've got a lot of preparing to do. (:

I also would like to get a car. I can't drive until summer, but I can't wait. I'll be totally (well, for the most part xD) independent. I'll have a job, so I don't have to ask for money, and I'll have my own way to places.

It's getting so close to the end of the year. I'm really excited about next year because I'll be taking classes that I'm really looking forward to.

There will be - Eng. 4 AP
French 6 Imm.
Chem 2 AP
Chem 2 AP Lab
Pharmacy Tech
Calculus AP
and Health. x-x

I'm looking towards taking Health online. If I do this, I'll either take Physics in its place, but if that causes more conflict that what I'll have already, I'll just 7th hour off. I wish I'd have taken Physics this year, because one of the best teachers is teaching it. I had Mr. Vanmetre for Biology, and so far it has been my favorite class. He's such a good teacher. I don't really know how to explain it...maybe his attitude toward teaching? His teaching methods? Not sure what about him, but I'm looking forward to taking his class.

A few words.

They probably don't mean much.

But I try my best.

Which is probably my worst.

Maybe one day he'll see the brighter side.

Right now; just gotta slide on by.

Remember to take life with a grain of salt.

Ooh, spring break. It's only Tuesday, and yet, my break is just about over. xP I have work for the rest of the week...but I'm not upset. I'll have a real paycheck this next go 'round. It's not really a hard job; there are only a couple of things I'm not sure about yet, because I haven't had anyone ask for them. Other than that, it's like waking up in the morning. You kinda go through the same motion, but this isn't half as boring. ((:

There are downsides, too, like people trying to steal a piece of candy or two. Or filling the bags with all sorts of different candy then just leaving it on the shelves. How nice of them. The only thing about eating a piece of candy is this: if you want a sample, ask. It's really not that hard. So yes, you can try what you want, you just need our permission. There's only about five different things you can't sample, and that's usually stuff you already know what it tastes like. But anyways...I'm not trying to complain.

I think going to work will be good for me, because this way I won't be walking aimlessly around the house without anything to do. The candy store is bright and colorful, so it should make me feel better...But for now, it's late, and I need to sleep.

Nighty. (:

"Can I take Health online?"

"No, tuck in your shirt. Har har."


My brother's rendition of GOODLY if I had to ask him permission to take Health online. So random....

It's Spring Break and I'm at home, being bored (but safe!). This isn't supposed to be this way. :P

In the mean time, we need to figure out a way to prove I'm filipino.

And so, there goes a day of work. Haven't had a job since last year, so I was little worried about it. I mean, eventually I'll have to run a store all by myself....where there will be old and young kids alike, sticking their hands in the candy bins, purposefully mixing jellybean because it's funny, filling a bag to the brim with all sorts of different candy then leaving it on the counter and I have to sort it because it's not bad candy, just mixed candy.

But luckily none of this has happened yet. (:

But it will. ):

It's not that hard (yet) and so, I'm hoping to have this job for a while and enjoy it.

Work time work time. I'm gonna get a job, at the candy store in the mall, and it's gonna be fun.

((:

I like working, because then I feel better about having my own money and not having to ask either one of my parents for it...plus, just having money is a safe feeling. I'm good at saving, too.

:D

So I get my permit signed today, processed tomorrow, and am legal to work on Thursday, hopefully. Maybe you(whoever) should stop by sometime, I know you like candy. ;)

And they're just thinkin' of the perfect words to break the ice,
but everytime it's just in vain,
'cos you're not impressed,
but you're so polite.

There's this feeling of being inadequate. I'm sorry it's not enough. I guess you just need your secrets sometimes. Does that make you feel special? I guess it's too much to ask for you to open up. And yet, you want me to let you know when something is bothering me. What a joke.

We're running together. Until you want to be alone, then I hit face first into this wall, this invisible wall, and you won't let me through. When I want to be alone, you won't let me keep you away. Why can't I have my secrets? Why can't I keep certain things to myself? You won't let up until I tell you....but you're still holding me back. It's not fair. But life isn't fair....is it?

Behold the king of indecision.
He chooses nothing with precision.
...But if he comes for you, then you know his love is true.

One day my eyes will dry out because I've cried all the tears that were possible to cry. One day, I will no longer need to shed any tears. Unfortunately, this day is not today.

Dear ____________,

I'm here to say everything I've never said. I don't mean to forget to call you. I'm honestly not doing it on purpose. I have so much to tell you, but you're not around. It's not because I don't want to talk to you, it's just that I forget that I won't come home and see you waiting to hear how my day was, how my trip was, how life is. How's your life going? Are you really happy? I'm not. I need you now more than ever--a side effect of taking you for granted. You're off on Sunday's, and while I don't call you to do anything, you don't call me either. I can't tell you these things because I'm too emotional. I find writing so much easier. There's a phone in front of me, but I can't bring myself to dial the familiar numbers, that by some mechanical happenings of the brain, I know by heart and don't even have to think about the numbers, they spill out on their own. I'm most likely getting a job at the mall, isn't that great? The mall is so close, it's an ideal location. At Candy Craze, if the woman will believe me. The funny thing is, she's so skeptical, she probably doesn't realize that she might be missing out on a really dependable employee. I'm very reliable, and am really wanting to work. I wish I was more mature, so I could just tell, you these things, I could use my age as a crutch, "I'm only, you know..." but then, if I'm "only" seventeen, then I'm not old enough for a job. Well, that's how my life is going. There are plenty of other things that I will tell you tomorrow, so, I love you.

-Your Daughter.



Dear ________,

Surprise. Not everyone is perfect. I'm not and you're not, but the best we can do is help each other get through with this. I love you, and will help you as much as you need it. I'm sorry that you have lost your trust in a person you should always trust. I know you are strong. You will make it. Life isn't working out for you now, but your turn will come soon. Please, talk to me. Don't keep it all to yourself. You won't let me keep my feelings about these things to myself, please don't do that. There will be too much pressure one day and you'll lose control. You'll let loose a can of worms. So please....I'm here for a reason. Not just a sight for sore eyes. If you want feedback, I'll tell you what I think, but if you just need a pair of ears, I've got that too. Just let me know.

-Your Girlfriend.